Home, of sorts

Odd to have a photo that's not from my travels, but this is one of my favorite hometown landmarks. Once the sign for the White Stag clothing company, this neon relic sits at the west end of the Burnside Bridge here in Portland. Starting around Thanksgiving, the stag is adorned with a bright red light on its nose. I'll try to get a photo of that, too.

I'm in Portland for now. I spent much of this past week in San Jose, celebrating a beloved friend's 40th birthday and attending church with him and his husband the next day. I had all sorts of plans to see folks down there this week, but realized that with everything around my mom's illness and death and the aftermath and then ramping back up at work, exhaustion was setting in bigtime. So although I did head into the office while I was there, the rest of the time I spent lounging around my friends' place doing, well, nothing.

Bliss.

Today was my mom's memorial service and reception. It was held at the chapel where I'd attended college and where she worked for many years. It was a really beautiful and touching ceremony. The reception was great, although by the end of it I was ready for a nap. Too many interfaces, too many people to be "on stage" with. It's why I work in a little cubicle and try to deal with people one on one. The kid managed fine; he grabbed food and found a corner.

Tomorrow really starts "what happens next" - life without my mom around, and with no mom-related things to deal with, other than some estate settling. Tonight I'm paying bills, doing laundry, and getting ready for the week ahead. Some of that has to involve getting my bike tuned up; not riding has given me about 15 new pounds that I don't really think I want to keep, thanks. Ugh.

In about a week I'll update status on next year. It's still simmering, just was on the back burner while we dealt with everything with Mom.

Is this thing on?

Oh, so much time, so many things.

My mom passed peacefully on October 17, with friends and family by her side. She is at peace now, and that alone has made the past couple of weeks truly grace-filled. After so many years of pain, she's free. Her memorial service is this coming Sunday afternoon, and family & friends are traveling to be in town for the occasion.

Meanwhile - my trips to California have picked up again. I'm here now, heading back to Puddletown in the morning. Will probably come back in ~3 weeks, bringing the kid along for a couple of days. I miss him; don't like being away from him for this long, even though "this long" is only five days.

Still amazed by the Obama election - and saddened by the vote on Prop 8 in California. As I posted on Facebook, though, it's a speedbump, not a wall.

Mexico? At one point last week it looked like I'd be heading down in January for a week, but schedule-wise and logistics-wise, it made little sense. Still don't know about next year either; to some extent that's resting on a few other variables, most of which aren't in my hands.

Anyway - hope to be back blogging again soon, prob'ly after I get through this weekend's events and fully catch up at work again. Wrote a bit at StreetProphets as part of the "Write to Marry" effort on 10/29, but otherwise have been just trying to keep the relevant balls in the air.

Time Out

Hey - most of y'all are either getting email or following things via Facebook, but seemed like a good idea to drop a quick update here as well.

We're now in the last days to a week or so of my mom's life. She's on in-home hospice now, but will almost certainly be moving to a residential hospice facility within the next 2-3 days. I'm going over today or tomorrow to help pack a few things for her to take. My dad, my cousin & I will be responsible for going through the rest of her things later. I'm her financial POA, so there's a mountain of stuff to go along with that, too.

We're doing well, all in all. My mom's been sick nearly all of her life, on disability since 1997, and more or less homebound for the past 3 years. She's had a fascinating life in her almost-65 years, and it's because of her spirit that I even think about doing things like packing up the kid and living in Mexico for a year. Or taking my liberal arts degree into a high tech company. Or even having this kid in the circumstances through which he came about.

So - it's sad, yes - but also joyful, because she gets to go hang with God 24/7 and be free of the intense pain she's been in for so very long. She's ready, and I'm ready to let her go in peace, too. It's time.

Kid's doing OK - we're keeping his schedule as normal as possible - including the 9am soccer game we're about to go to now. (Ouch.) I'm not traveling for several weeks at least; my amazingly fabulous coworkers are all supportive of whatever I need to be able to do to keep myself, the kid, and everything else in balance.

So - that's why I've not been blogging all that much.

A couple quick updates, though. Back to school night was Thursday. Per the kid, I asked the principal if there'd be any issue with him being gone for a year, then returning to the school. Of course not. He's in the one grade that has two classes (something in the water that year?) - so there's a little extra space, but they'd want to hang onto him anyway. I've not said much about it, but he has been talking about the idea more and more, including with his friends, and I think it's becoming a little more real. Still a few things to figure out before I can say we're definitely doing it, but it's another step.

Anyway - more soon, I hope. Thoughts, prayers, candles all welcome. We're doing ok - it'll just be a rough few weeks.

Pax, all.

Chicago was not on the itinerary

Just a brief one for now; may have lots and lots of time later to write, though.

I'm in Chicago - at the O'Hare Hilton, in fact. I have the clothes on my back and the few books in my carryon - the rest of my luggage is presumably in Portland. A delayed departure from Munich, coupled with Tropical Storm Ike heading through the Midwest meant that I missed my already-too-short connection last night. The weather's only worse today, and given that as much as I love flying, I hate takeoff, well, it'll be interesting.

Talked with the kidlet for awhile last night. He's with his dad & is totally fine, but I miss him terribly nonetheless. Starting to think it's time to suck it up and bring him along on some trips. It's just not worth it to be away... I'm also really not happy about not being home. I'd hoped to spend a good chunk of this afternoon with my mom - valuable time in short supply. I'll probably figure out a way to skip out of wok for an afternoon in the next few days, assuming, that is, that I get to Portland today.

OK. Shower, put on clothes I first donned in Barcelona... let's see... nearly 40 hours ago now, and locate coffee and food. I'm on standby for a 3-something flight - we'll see if that flies (no pun intended) today.

Mi español no me guarda ahora.

Made it to Barcelona today, uneventfully, all in all.
"Today" is a fuzzy concept. I woke up as usual at about 6am on Saturday, feeling vaguely achy and generally not all that up for getting on a plane for a really long time. Friday evening had been worse (see previous post). Still managed to throw the essentials in a suitcase and get to PDX to catch the Lufthansa flight out.

I'd forgotten how many people from work travel over to Europe, and how much sense it makes to leave on Saturday to be marginally rested for Monday meetings. Ran into a couple of friends at the airport, as well as a handful of other borg-dwellers who were headed across the pond.

It's now ... well, 2:15am on Monday in Barcelona, or 4:15pm on the West Coast of the USA. I napped for a couple of hours today, but otherwise haven't slept. I'm not all that tired, but will try to push myself into bed shortly in hopes of landing on Barcelona time tomorrow. There's a workshop I could attend for the conference, but I'll probably just see some sights instead. My first "official" event will be a cocktail party I really do need to attend tomorrow evening, and I'd like to be marginally coherent there, yes.

It's been funny trying to navigate with my Spanish in a city where spoken Spanish is markedly different and the primary language is Catalan - which I know not at all. I made it through dinner in Spanish, as well as requesting a loan of a power adapter (knew I'd forget something), but it's not the same as Mexico, no.

We'll see how tomorrow goes. For now, trying to turn an "afternoon nap" into a full night's sleep. More on Barcelona tomorrow, but for now - doing well, feeling great, happy to be here - but missing the kidlet terribly.

Barcelona-bound

Just a brief one - buried in work stuff, packing, trying to get the chaos in the house down to a dull roar. I leave tomorrow for a week in Barcelona, where I'll attend a conference for work & present in a panel discussion on Thursday.

Right now, I want little more than to go crawl into bed. I can't tell if I'm coming down with something, or if the stress is just beating me down. Hoping for the latter. Goal for tonight is to send off the powerpoint for my presentation, get a semblance of packing done, and be in bed no later than 10:30pm (about 50 minutes from right now). Ordinarily I'd be up and at 8am Mass tomorrow. That's still the plan, but I'm turning off the alarm clock. If I wake up and go, great. If not, well, I needed the sleep, I guess.

Back to the presentation now - it's overdue, but ... well, it's been a long day. Long week. Long month. Long year.

What happened to that 'sabbatical'? Hm....

OK, OK... what I'll really miss...

My Little Parish(TM).

For awhile yesterday my Facebook status said something to the effect of how grateful I am for the little Roman Catholic parish that I call "home" - and that it really took being away from it for the greater part of this year for me to truly appreciate how central it is to Who I Am. Lots of reasons for being away, and I'm not likely to ever be back at the point where I'm there 4-5 times a week. The Kid going to school at a different (albeit related through the religious community that runs both) parish is enough to get us to split our time.

But it's been good to be back. The Kid & I went to Mass today at 10am, joined by about ten other folks who were able to make it in. With so much stuff in the air right now, it feels good to be able to wander into that little corner.

I was talking with a friend yesterday afternoon, just catching up and chronicling the past several months, then talking about what's coming up. School starting. Mom being on hospice. The super-big-project at MegaCorp that I'm working on right now that's testing every influencing and leadership skill that I've ever managed to scrape together. The house - that I'm considering selling, because it's just Too Much Work. The idea of getting a condo, maybe in St. Johns. Contemplating what I'll need to do for my dad after my mom passes. Running low on cat food. Kid soccer season starting. Paying bills. Getting ready for the panel discussion on which I'm to participate in just over a week at a work conference in Europe. Planning to spend an academic year in Mexico, starting next July or so. Missing BeTSy, my beloved bicycle. No, she's not gone - in fact, she's a mere seven or so feet away as I write - but I've not had time to spend with her this year, and I really miss those rides. They brought me equanimity, helped me find sanity so many times.

There's probably a dozen or so other things I could list above - other stressful events or situations that are hovering around my head like those little anvils in the Roadrunner cartoons, but I'm not sure I want to look that closely right now, frankly. That's enough for the moment.

It's the very little things that are keeping me sane right now. As I wrote about a week ago, being very conscious of what I can do, what I can't do, and maintaining those boundaries - priceless. Also probably pissing some people off, but it all goes back to the oxygen mask metaphor that I'm reminded of on every single one of my trips (over 30 takeoffs so far this year, believe it or not): "If you're traveling with others who may need assistance, put your own oxygen mask on first, before helping children or other passengers with their masks." (Is it wrong that I always want to shout, "Amen, Sister!" whenever I hear the flight attendent - of whatever gender, mind you - recite that line?)

If I don't take care of myself, my life will be sh*t and I'll be utterly unable to be of any use at all to anyone else at all, least of all this little creature who's starting fifth grade tomorrow. So yeah - I hold the line, and I'm doing OK.

Part of that for me is keeping an anchor tossed in the places that nourish me, that nurture me, that are the calm amidst everything else. Here in Portland, it's that little parish that smells of stale alcohol, urine, and unwashed bodies, the place where mentally ill folks are among the altar servers, the place where even the priests admit that they don't have all the answers, that they are human beings too, doing their best to be loved by God and love their neighbors, just like the rest of us. Yeah, if I'm in Mexico for a year, it'll be hard to be away from this little place, but I'm sure I'll find a way to stay connected there, too. That's next year's issue. Today is today.

And so I continue along. The Kid & I came home after Mass; he's up cleaning his room, I'm moving furniture in the living room and bagging up stuff that will go to Goodwill. Goofing off on Facebook, challenging a couple folks with Scramble, takin' it all an hour at a time for now.

What I'll miss most...

If I do this academic year in Mexico thing during 2009-2010, what I'll miss most may be surprising. I know I will long for my little veal pen of a cube at MegaCorp.

OK, not really. The 5x9 "compressed cube" with soft grey padded walls is far from an emotional experience for me, but the people who wander around it simply rock.

There's a tradition at our company around sabbaticals. When someone from the cube-dwellers' world returns from sabbatical, they are treated to some sort of cube remodel or redecoration - or else a practical joke of sorts that lets them know they were gone for eight or so weeks, but not forgotten. Our little area has turned this into an art form.

My then-manager/mentor/friend took off on her sabbatical last summer. Before her return, everything in her office was wrapped in aluminum foil. Everything.

We helped unwrap it after she returned and pictures were taken, but being good, socially-conscious Oregonians - what were we to do with all of that foil?!? Why - recycle! So - each subsequent sabbatical has meant not only coming up with an idea for how to best modify the soulless little box in honor of our colleague's return, but also how to reuse the foil.

One colleague is a dog fanatic, so her office was turned into a kennel, with stuffed pooches parked here and there, doggie bowls and a placemat, and a "leash" made from the foil. Those chains were then repurposed for my return, draped across the entryway of my office, and tied to a large ball with an ankle ring around it - the proverbial "ball and chain".

My office redecoration is the photo on top. Yeah - it was turned into a Starbucks. Those of you who've known me awhile may remember that I was a store manager & district skills' trainer back in the olden days, starting before the company went public and quitting when it hit about 100 stores. I still have my skills' trainer certificate hanging in my cube; it's not visible in this picture, but is just to the right of the "Viva Mexico" banner. That banner's one of the few things from my "normal" (is there such a thing?) cubicle; everything else was moved under the desk so the espresso machines could be put in place, along with cups, napkins, brochures, and beans. A sign on the wall read "In case sabbatical reentry doesn't work out, Plan B: Starbucks!"

Best of all, they gave me a bottled Mocha Frappucino, a couple boxes of pastries (shared with the hospitality staff at my parish later that day) and a box of biscotti. :)

It was great to come back to such a thoughtful and funny cube remodel. I headed off to San Jose the next day, and my friends restored my cube to its previous glory (?).

So that's the tradition. In this case, it's particularly touching, though, because while we all used to work in the same little organization, reorgs have scattered us to different subteams within a much bigger group. Truth be told, we all still do work together closely; we're friends, we know each other's areas of expertise, and the result of any two or more of us working together always produces something greater than just the sum of each of our individual work products.

I really missed these people.

One of them wasn't there to see the results of the redecoration. The colleague who covered my sabbatical went off on his own eight-week break two weeks before my return. I'm his primary coverage in his absence. He's also the one who comes up with many of the great ideas for what to do to the cubes, and then he somehow manages to avoid doing any of the work. Early October - payback time!

So what does this have to do with the kid, with me, with Mexico? Well ... nothing's written in stone yet, and the amount of work to do between now and June-ish looks daunting. BUT - the first pass at surveying the "veto-holders" of such an endeavor is over, and the responses are pretty clear. "Go south, chica!" The kid's dad & I talked about it over sushi last night. What're the dates we're thinking? What do I know about schools? Would we be in Mexico City, Guadalajara, or ...? What's the latitude, and the altitude? What's it like there?

Yeah. It's looking like the first stage - "Is this even remotely possible" - is a go. Now - moving on to the next steps.

It's funny - part of my job at work is managing content details for our lifecycle frameworks - the guides for how we do development across lots of different teams. I now find myself looking at this adventure of a year in Mexico as yet another project, with milestones and decision checkpoints. I'm identifying stakeholders, and if I'm not careful, I may even call a meeting - with PowerPoint.

Oh. A couple of y'all have asked if I'll continue to work while I'm there. I dunno, but I'm optimistic. The company is on the list of "significant stakeholders" - but not necessarily a veto-holder. Didn't see the point of jumping into that discussion before getting the green light from those who could raise issues that'd get me to call off the analysis already. However, I've passed the idea by some folks with good initial responses, so ... we'll see. Stay tuned. Maybe they'll let me take my comfy little cube with me...

"Only do what you can do"

Theme for the day.

Today was my first real day back at what work's like most of the time. Sure, I officially went back last week, but I spent most of the week at our Bay Area site, not here, and spent very little time on-campus. I have a mountain of articles to read to prep for the conference in two weeks in Spain, and they've taken most of my work-related brain cells this past week.

But today I went back to the cubicle maze and parked myself in my little pen for the day. Know what? It felt fabulous. First, I realized that I truly do work with some of the very best and brightest people in my discipline, and I've missed them. Next - well, our cafeteria is utterly kick-@ss. I eat much better at work than at home.

I needed the facetime today, and also needed to check in with various people to give them updates. As I think I've mentioned (yeah - I must've; M sent email about it), my mom's on hospice. At some point, I'll be checking out of work - probably with little notice - and won't be back for a bit. I checked into the company's leave policies, but due to some of the oddities of my job (intensely flexible schedule - which is my salvation), taking intermittent FMLA leave would mean 1) having to work a normal schedule, and 2) getting my wages docked for the hours that I'm not working a normal schedule. If I don't take leave, well, then I'm just on my 'normal' intensely flexible schedule.

In other words, taking the leave to gain flexibility will lose flexibility - and money. Four different people at grade levels much higher than my own, including one who lost a parent last year, all said the same thing - "You would be freaking insane to even think about it, because if you do, [insurance company] calls the shots. If you don't, [employer] calls the shots, and they're way more humane."

What's been brought home for me over the past few days is that, contrary to a nickname someone I dated briefly gave me once, I am not "Elastigirl" from The Incredibles. I cannot do everything. And so a phrase my therapist drilled into my head comes back to me - "Only do what you can do." (Doobie-doobie-doo.)

The house is ... chaos. The dandelion farm has taken over any semblance of whatever was once a lawn. The fireplace tile is finally done - 2.5 years and $1100 later. Chimney cap must be replaced before the rainy season starts. The upstairs toilet is acting weird, and a downstairs ceiling needs a patch. The basement is a mess. The stove still isn't fully settled, and any plants growing in the yard are in need of attention.

School is starting a week from tomorrow. For once, school supplies are purchased, but I've done nothing about uniforms yet. Soccer starts tomorrow; bought cleats ... today.

Only do what you can do.

That's going to be my mantra for the next couple of months, I think. Only do what I can do, and not feel guilty about what I cannot do. Sounds so simple... but then again, I'm Catholic. Guilt'R'Us. It means not taking family leave, not dropping work altogether, because it's what's staving off depression (well, and poverty ;^) ) right now. It means not doing a couple of committees at the school this year - or at least this fall. It may even mean selling the house & moving to a condo - we'll see.

It means being very, very aware of my limits, and honoring them. We'll see how that goes.

Enough for now. Off to groom the cats and tackle another article before bedtime. (Oh - and the photo's from Queretaro, first night we were there back in late June.)

Of those 43 things...

Once upon a time, I was a devotee of 43things. Haven't been there in ...wow, maybe a couple of years. Thinking about going back to check it out.

What prompted this? Well - the thought occurred to me a couple of times in Mexico, and I've also mentioned it in some of the courses I teach for the corporate masters as a handy-dandy way of visualizing real-life "Evo" at a personal, rather than software (or silicon) development project level. Pretty nifty.

But it came to mind again today as I flailed in the pool over at the condo where the Student and the Teacher live. Once upon a time, I took swim lessons for a bit. At six, the kid was terrified of water, terrified of doing something that he wasn't really good at, and our astute pediatrician noted that he really needed to see me struggle with something, so he'd get the idea that it's OK for things to be really hard sometimes, and that even failure is OK - it's perseverance that's essential.

So - we both took swimming lessons. He stuck with it, and swims fairly well. Once he was off being a little fishy, I stopped. (OK, his soccer games also conflicted with the adult swim class, but still...)

The Student was on swim team in HS (I think), and is an excellent swimmer. The Teacher & I are his students now - although the Teacher's further along than I am. I was going to go down and hang out and watch them swim, and then at the last minute decided, no, I'd get in the pool. Terrified, not wanting to make a fool of myself, hating my cyclists-body-gone-slack-from-no-riding ... even with all of that, I'd do it.

So I did. It was a blast - enough so that we didn't make it out of the pool in time for dinner before I needed to leave to catch my flight back to Portland, but that's OK. It was cutting it close, but I'm through security, and in the amazingly wifi-enabled SJC now, waiting for the flight home. I get to see me my kidlet tonight, which makes me happy. I miss him when I travel...

I'm sure there's all sorts of lessons in this little swim experience, and it's one I'll probably spend time meditating on over the next week or so. It was good. It was fun.

(And no. No photos. :) )

Not Mexico

Astute readers will note that while "Santa Clara" is, in fact, technically a Spanish phrase ("Saint Clare"), Toto and I are not in Kansa... er, Mexico now.

Nope.

Nor is the photo current - it dates from mid-July. However, I am in San Jose right now, and work in Santa Clara when I'm here. This trip was a "check in with the colleagues" visit - and ended up also being a "have a discussion with a senior manager about a couple of concerns" chat as well. My job's such that coworkers are scattered all around the globe, but there's a definite critical mass here in the Bay Area, and as a result, I'm here pretty often. Looks like "pretty often" will translate into "nearly every other week for a couple of days", at least through the fall. There's a significant project underway that's testing some of my work, and I've been asked to be very proactive in embedding myself with that team, walking with them as they take it on. O... kay.

Lots of ambiguity (surprise, surprise) - including whether the guy who actually pays me out of his budget wants to support that effort, but it's important enough that it'll get worked out sooner or later. In the meantime, I get to spend time with family and friends down here. Hung out awhile today with a friend from the borg who bailed about a year ago, and moved with his family - kids were around The Kid regularly as young tots - to Cupertino. Tomorrow's an evening with ...oh, let's say "The Theologian", and I'm staying with the Student and the Teacher from earlier in sabbatical.

But it's not Mexico. And no, I've not put everything around the concept of spending a school year there on hold, not in the slightest. Several conversations last week, including with my mom, her cousin, a few folks at work, one of the Kid's godparents. May write up an Evo plan for it later this weekend, but that's only because I'm a hopeless geek.

More work tomorrow, then the City in the evening. Mmm... feels so good to be here.

Back

But is it a sign?

Went to get a very badly-needed haircut this morning. My regular stylist was booked between now & when I go to SJC next week, so I scheduled an appointment with a different stylist at the salon. Anglo-sounding name... but no. She's from Irapuato, her boyfriend is from el DF. We had a great time talking about Mexico, about my thoughts about living down there for a year, etc.. She told me about an Anglo couple who moved to Irapuato two years ago, initially just to take a break from this crazy culture - but they ended up staying.

Wow.

Reentry's been OK so far. Got home late to find the friend who's been crashing at my place off/on still here. We stayed up talking 'til 2:30am, and he's given me plenty of food for thought about how to get through the next year or so at work, how to possibly get the borg to support me telecommuting from Mexico for a year, and especially about how I might manage quite well as a single parent with a kid in Mexico. Still seems a little daunting - but vamos a ver.

Waiting to hear from the person who's tending the cats. Now that my hair's dealt with, the kid's hair is next. Then checking in with the folks, laundrylaundrylaundrylaundry - and starting to contemplate the metaphysics of (shudder) returning to the cube farm on Monday.

Oh, and finding the freakin' camera cable so I can post photos. On the flight yesterday I was thinking about how I can post a photo a day from the summer with commentary, and that it'll get me through the next year. Just might work...

OK. Back to reality for now. See a couple of y'all this weekend, I hope.

Leavin'...

... on a midnight plane to Portland...

Yeah. Busily packing, trying to figure out if it'll all fit (somehow), if I need to get another piece of luggage (oh please no), or if, as a friend suggested last night, I just leave some stuff here. Well, the kid has two pairs of jeans that he's waaaaay outgrown - they may stay. But I don't think that's enough to let us get away with it.

I'm afraid it'll have to be luggage.

Anyway - last day. Our flight is after dark tonight, and yeah - we do get into Stumptown after midnight. Not sure what's on the agenda for today - kid would love to take a boat trip in Chapultepec Park, but I'm not sure we can pull that off. Maybe.

I realized this morning that for the first time in a long time, I don't know when I'm coming back. For a couple of years now, I've had at least a sense of a month when I'll be back in Mexico, and since last summer, I've known when the next trip would be (December, February, June...). Now - no clue.

Bringing the kid here for 3.5 weeks was partly a test - how would we manage? Well - being a single parent in Mexico isn't necessarily a lot harder than being a single parent in the US, and in some respects it's been easier, if artificially so. It'd certainly force my "ragged individualistic" self (thanks, Prof. C) to rely on others a whole lot more. But y'know, that's a lesson I can work on in Portland, too.

So - no easy answers. For now, it's a matter of taking the first question - do I need to get luggage? My fiscally-minded self says "no way" - but y'know, it may well be the path of least resistance, and today, when I'm sad about leaving the country & dreading going back to the cube farm, taking the easy road is tempting. So... we'll see.

Today's goal

Figure out if I can get all our stuff back to the US without getting more luggage. I think I can - but we'll see. Sent one suitcase back to the West Coast with the Student from Chicago last week, so we just have the one, plus our daypacks. I really hope it'll work, but...

From my list - we did get to the Basilica, and did get one of the books for the Student - a lovely large art/architecture study of convents in the 1800s, or some such stuff. Contacted friend in Tlaxcala; didn't hear back, but hopefully she's not upset that we didn't make it this trip. Haven't looked at clothes, and sadly, I think the Tlatelolco museum is going to have to wait, too. We walked all over Coyoacan yesterday, and another day of "let's follow Mom around, even though she's not quite sure where we're going!" is not likely to be met with joy by the kidlet.

Coyoacan was phenomenal, though. It's easily a place where I could imagine living for a year, so it's on the list of areas to investigate further when planning begins in earnest.

So - we'll start with coffee (yeah - way late. Packing has been a distraction), and then take it from there, I guess.

Oh - and I'm not sure where I put my camera cable. Hope to update pictures when I can find it, and add more to the blog, too. It's probably in the bottom of a daypack somewhere.

Counting down the days

We fly back to Portland - I cannot call it "home" - not quite - late Thursday night. Between now & then, there's a list of things to do:

• Go back to Basilica - say hi to Nuestra Madre, and pick up a couple of gifts for people in Portland


• Porrua family bookstore - need to look for a book recommended to the Student for his PhD work


• Check in with friend in Tlaxcala - unfortunately won't be able to make the trip there this time, but want to make tentative plans for a visit before the end of the year.


• Pick up a couple of shirts at a clothing store here - need more work-appropriate (for the outside world :) ) clothes, and saw a couple of things a few weeks ago that I liked.


• Go back to Rainbowland - and get a couple of things there for friends back in the US


• If I can figure out exactly where it is, I'd love to see the exhibit about 1968 in Mexico City that's on one of UNAM's campus. That's the year of my birth, without a doubt a significant time in history, but one which I know about primarily from the US perspective. I do know there was a massacre at the Olympics in Mexico City, for example, but until I read the linked article, I knew nothing about killings at a political rally here that October. I need to know more about this.

I'm sure there's more - frankly, I'd like to tour rental condos, put down a deposit, figure out how to get the cats here, and notify work that I'll be ... um ... 'telecommuting' for a few weeks - like 104 of them - but no, that's not in the works, sadly.

The past few days have been interesting. A group from the parish at the Kid's school is here - the same trip that I took last summer. Despite my allergies to bus tours and organized travel, I still managed to fall in love with this city. This time, we're not on the tour formally, just joining them for a trip to Teotihuacan on Friday and Xochimilco yesterday. I may go with a group of them to the Basilica today - both to satisfy my need to go back before we leave, and to help them navigate public transportation to get there & back.

It's been a curious different form of culture shock, though. They're from a world I'm part of, but not fully integrated into, either. Even back in town, since I'm a parishioner at the parish that serves mostly homeless & mentally ill folks - not where the school's located - I'm a bit of a mystery to them, I think. They're really sweet people - but we come from different worlds. It's fun to watch them explore this place that's become such a nourishing one for me, though. They go back tomorrow; I'm looking forward to hearing their reflections when I run into them again, maybe even some of them at Mass on Friday or Sunday.

Anyway - need to finish my coffee & get going on those items. OR - if they don't all get done, can I please just stay?

Went to Mass tonight

About the time of the 2nd reading - maybe 15 minutes in - I realized that it's probably the longest I've gone without going to Mass since dragging myself back to the Church several years ago. Yeah.

Not doing that again - the "putting it off" bit. No way, no how. Realized again tonight how much the liturgy is as much a part of me as my breath, my heartbeat. Away from it for too long, and I'm deprived of the oxygen I need to live. Even the kid, who doesn't know enough Spanish to follow the details, was in a much calmer mood, much happier, after spending the hour soaking in the rhythm that he understands at the core of his being, even if the words don't make sense. It helped that the Pastor of the parish where his school is located was concelebrating, and gave him Eucharist.

Feeling more grounded, more at peace, more aware of my place in God's world than I have in awhile. So stay tuned here for ... well, let's call it a "midcourse review", in the parlance of the borg, about this sabbatical, life, and everything else. Maybe even tonight.

blur and blah

Back in el DF after a whirlwind trip to Chicago & its environs. Long story around that one, and longer & more complicated analysis of the few days there. Suffice it to say that I cried myself to sleep last night, feeling really disoriented, disjointed, and alien - some old crap, some new challenges - and, as was pointed out to me today by a colleague, no small measure of 'reverse culture shock'.

So now I'm back in Mexico City for just one more week. A week from tonight we'll be on a plane headed back to Portland... indefinitely. We get the cats back on Friday, which is tantamount to saying "Yep. Back." Will see my parents then, too, and see how mom's hospice stuff is going.

And somewhere in there - I go back to work.

Oh yeah - watched "Office Space" last night - not for the first time, but I'm sure it contributed to the already toxic soup that was my brain and psyche. I felt the stress drop off me like weights when I walked off the plane at the airport this afternoon.

Tomorrow - Teotihuacán. There's a group from the parish associated with the kid's school here in town - a pilgrimage trip, similar to the one I took with them last year. They're doing the pyramids tomorrow, and it's a nice walk, so we'll head on over too. Will be good to see a few friends, but we're not going to jump wholesale on the tour group... need more flexibility for the kid, and more access to my beloved Metro.

Anyway - this is just about as disjointed as I felt last night, but mostly just tired now, and much more at peace. More when I get a more stable Internet connection... including a few photos from Chicago, maybe.

geekgrrrl without a network

(Most of this was written ~48 hours ago. Only reliable 'net access I'm finding is at Starbucks. Off to Chicago for 5 days tonight - will probably have better access - but less time - there. Ah well...)

Oh, the frustration of being in a hotel with a strong wireless network - and realizing that DNS resolution is horked at the router. The hotel I stayed in in December here had the same problem. It's managed by a friend of a friend, sorta, and I was able to go down and explain in garbled Spanish that I knew what was going on, and walk them through fixing it. I don't have the same "nuestro red es tu red" relationship here, so I can't just wander downstairs and ask to see their network hardware.

Probably just as well - long day & should get to sleep soon. A quick recap - up, coffee (absolute necessity) - then a trip to the Museo de la Historia Natural - kid's choice. He's up for anything prehistoric or otherwise really old; his interest wanes around the Middle Ages. Spent a few hours there, then - starving - went to the nearest place we could find - the Bosque Restaurant.

Now - it's my experience that park restaurants, particularly when surrounded by museums, are either outrageously overpriced for what they serve, or they serve utter crap - burger'n'fries of indeterminate origin, or sandwiches packed during Reagan's first term. ("Remember, children - ketchup is a vegetable!") Child & I, both tired, were sniping at each other over which this restaurant would be, or if we'd even end up staying.

Well - it was expensive. But the food - oh, the food was phenomenal. Prime Rib with creamed spinach and a lovely filet of fish in a balsalmic/tomato/olive sauce - reminiscent of puttanesca, but not quite. The restaurant is on one of the lakes in the park, and we spent at least three hours there enjoying a leisurely lunch. We were so underdressed for the place, but nobody seemed to care. It was great.

Did a quick stop at one of my favorite churches in town - the Ex-Convento de San Hipolito. When the group from the kid's school's parish is in town in just over a week, they're going to Mass there, and I was asked to swing by and figure out if the planned Mass time would work. Hung out there for a bit to pray - there's a particular devotion to St. Jude there, as well as a few others - and then wandered out.

Kid suggested that we try to catch WALL-E again - and we decided to head back to the 222 Reforma Cinemark; if it was at a good time, we'd stay, if not - we'd head back. The pesero got us to the theatre with 30 minutes to spare, and upon a second viewing, I'm happy to say that I really caught the Spanish dialogue. Way fun.

Getting home was a trip. 222 Reforma is on the edge of the Zona Rosa, Mexico City's gay hub. I stopped at a newsstand to grab a magazine, and saw a few curious looks - so odd for a woman and kid to be running around there that late. Of course, it was probably the safest place in the city for us to be - but the looks still said "Silly gringa. Well, if she brings a kid in here, she gets what she deserves if he sees this." The kid, steeped in gay culture since he was in utero, is completely oblivious to all of that - but is irate at the number of US-based megachains that populate the neighborhood - Popeye's, KFC, McDonalds, 7-11 ... Starbucks... and is ranting about global capitalism.

If you're reading this and the hotel network is still down, give thanks to Starbucks - universally the most reliable Internet access we've found in Mexico. It's funny the things that I worry about when I think about spending a school year here - besides whether I can bring the cats down, 'cause the kid misses them terribly. But also - can I get a stable WAN connection to wherever I'm living, so I can maintain the LAN myself and know it'll stay up?

Geek. (C'est moi.)

Dance along the edge

It's our last night in Guadalajara. Kid's sleeping, and I'm doing anything I can to avoid packing for the 7-hour bus trip back to Mexico City tomorrow. Email - how often can I check it? Minute by minute? Oh - must unpack the egregiously-priced laundry the hotel dropped off today while we were out. My nails need trimming. OH WAIT - I can take antibiotics!

In what's either lunacy or a sign that maybe I've been here enough that I've built up antibodies to Guadalajara, I had a lovely iced americano late this afternoon at a little cafe near the Basilica of Zapopan. Now - ice is one of those big no-nos if you want to avoid turista - all sorts of creepy crawlies can live in frozen water, ready to come out as it melts in your tummy.

Or my tummy, as the case may be.

Now - I'm far from manic about the "don't drink the water" stuff. I've always brushed my teeth with it, I eat some street food, and I've never been really sick from it all. I usually do ask, though, "¿Es el hielo de agua purificada?" - is the ice from purified water?

Didn't bother at the Basilica. Odds are good that the answer would be "no" - and it was so hot, and the iced americano was soooooooooooo good...

If I'm counting correctly, today's about the 20th day I've spent in Guadalajara since 8/2006, and about the 60th or so day I've spent in Mexico in that same time period. I have "water vigilance fatigue", I guess. I've had bits of ice before, and every trip I have a day or so where my stomach has to adjust again to the insults I toss its way. Today, though, may have been over the top.

Feeling brave after the ice, we took a bus home from Zapopan - one I've taken before when I've been here for work, but riding it with the kid - and then a several-block walk through crazy traffic from the bus stop to the hotel - nutty.

We're safely here, though. I have a stash of low-level antibiotics, just in case the ice bites back. Wish me luck.

La aventura continúa

I was so happy that I'd found the secret to making diacritics on the Mac, and then discovered that it didn't work with the 'ú' - somehow decided I wanted a German umlaut. So that quest continues, too.

Anyway - we're still here in Guadalajara. After a fairly leisurely morning yesterday, we inadvertantly discovered that the regionally famous Zoológico Guadalajara was not open on Tuesday, the day we'd originally planned to visit. We rapidly reworked the plan and jumped into a taxi for the 30-minute trip across town.

I'm not big on animals in cages, but I have to admire the work this zoo does to preserve endangered species and participate in efforts through breeding and releasing to increase the population of many animals that really don't exist in the wild at all otherwise. It's not a bad place; clearly under some renovation as some exhibits are modern and spacious, while others have animals contained in steel wire cages. It was an interesting way to spend the afternoon, and also a great opportunity for the Kid to run around over the absolutely massive grounds, burning up some energy stored from the previous day's 8 hour bus ride.

As I told him as we were leaving the zoo, "You'll have a great story to tell your friends for years to come, about how your mom brought you to the Zoo in Guadalajara with no idea AT ALL about how to get back to the hotel!" Yeah, the kid knows me well, and wasn't really disturbed by that reality. As we exited the zoo grounds at closing time, we did see "sitio taxis" - taxis that are identifiable, regulated, and assigned to specific sites for pickups - much safer than street taxis. But what's the fun in a $17USD taxi ride back across town when there's the adventure of the Guadalajara bus system for $0.75 US? (And that's pricey compared to Mexico City!)

I've yet to figure out if there's really routes here, or if there's just "ideas" about where the buses travel. I think a route system exists, but it's a mystery to most people. You look at the signs on the front of the bus - sometimes printed, sometimes painted on with what looks like shaving cream or soap - and identify a location that's near where you want to go, or from where you can find your way home. The buses up at the Zoo all had "CENTRO" as an option, and from the Cathedral, I can find most anything.

So we hopped on board the bus. I asked the driver for the number of a bus from downtown that would get us to Plaza del Sol, a mall which is very near our hotel. He pondered that for a few minutes before calling us up - "109". Cool. But not long after that, a woman reached over and told me that going to el Centro was silly; I could get off when her family did in a block or two, and catch a 258 directly to the mall from that same bus stop.

And it worked! About 45 minutes later we arrived back at the hotel, with plenty of pool time for the kid to spare.

Today was considerably less adventurous, as we went to the local campus of my employer for a couple of meetings. I'll spare the details; they'd only bore you, and I'm still on sabbatical after all. Suffice it to say that I really enjoy the opportunity to meet with my colleagues here, and the afternoon went well. As my Facebook status states now, how do I manage to work here more often?!?!

That's a question for a later date. For now - bedtime. Tomorrow's Tlaquepaque, Plaza del Sol (kid needs jeans), and maybe Zapopan. Wednesday - back to Mexico City!

Guadalajara!!!

Three weeks after my last long bus trip from el DF to Guadalajara, I made another long bus trip from el DF to Guadalajara. The first trip was with the Student and the Teacher, who is himself a native of Jalisco, an hour or so north of here, IIRC. Of course, this being Mexico, "time" is fuzzy. Perhaps it'd take an hour to get there, or maybe four. Hard to say.

Yesterday's bus arrived about an hour late, having hit substantial slowing due to one highway expansion project and one utterly inexplicable slowdown. On the bright side, I saw three movies on the bus, which was not a bad bonus. Kid played Nintendo (!) - until Bruce Almighty (Bruce Todopoderoso) came on in English with Spanish subtitles. He thoroughly enjoyed it, seems to have picked up on the message, and spent the rest of the trip watching our progress toward Guadalajara. His tummy trouble all over (and thankfully, it never turned into anything too worrisome), we're back to enjoying the travel and each other's company.

It's hard to believe it's been just three weeks since last I was here. I'm happy to be here with the kid, but really miss the guys, too.

Staying at a different hotel this time - the one a little further out (~4 miles from downtown, maybe) where I stay when I'm here for work. I've spent about 20 nights here in the past two years, and really like the place. Its pool and gardens are a welcome refuge from the craziness of the city. It's a little surreal, though, after having spent most of the past four weeks amidst downtown noise.

Of course, I'd sleep on a rock in exchange for decent Internet access, and because this is one of the places my employer allows us to stay when we travel for work, Internet access is a given. Even with that, it dropped in the wing we're in last night. I'm in the restaurant right now where it's working; if it's not working in the room when we're back, I'll ask to move to a different area. Need to be able to do a few things for work tonight, so it's essential.

And about work ... well, yeah, this is sabbatical, but I'm going to be dropping in at my company's office here on Monday afternoon. There's a few items they've accumulated about which they'd like some input, and a couple new people who need quick training to catch up with the others. Very mixed feelings - love the site & really enjoy the people here, but it's ... work. Inching back from sabbatical, and it's not easy.

This is so NOT OK - utterly inexcusable

"I hope you're not offended, but I sort of guessed that you were Americans. You know what I mean."

A 20-something woman and an older woman who was with her entered the bank's secured ATM area last night, well after dark. The kid & I were in there withdrawing cash, vaguely aware yet reasonably unconcerned about who might be coming in with us. The street was well-trafficked, and the 7-11 next door was filled with people.

The implications of the woman's statement were obvious. She felt safe coming into the secured room to use the second ATM, because neither the kid nor I were committing the offense of "banking while brown". We're not Mexican, after all, and therefore presumably wouldn't rob her of her pesos.

I was so stunned, so horrified, that I only managed to say something along the lines of how, having been here much of the summer so far, I might as well be Mexican. She commented that I looked familiar; I said that I've been in Mexico for several weeks, and felt like I must've been around just about everywhere. We established that we've been at the same hotel the last few nights, and that was that. The Kid & I left and headed back to the hotel.

Of course, once we were a few steps down the block, he asked what she'd meant. I hate those questions, but now that he's ten, I really don't filter my answers anymore. We talked about latent racism, about how people who rely on the media or movies for any sort of cultural understanding are getting a warped perspective, and yeah - a little bit about how women have both realistic and manufactured fears that undoubtedly played into her statement as well. I explained again the difference between fear and vigilance, a topic we discussed a couple days ago when reading a guidebook over breakfast that advised tourists to avoid the Metro and peseros. (We then proceeded to take both.)

He was asleep when I turned on CNN International to catch the news. The leading US story was of the beating death of a Mexican immigrant at the hands of white US teenagers. I think I'm glad that the kid didn't see that - there's no way to explain it at all, other than that it's another example of how the insane "Us vs. Them" rhetoric in the US has real consequences for real people.

I wish I'd have had the presence of mind to simply say "No, I have no idea what you mean. Can you explain why us being American mattered in the slightest?"

I don't deny that there's crime in Mexico City; hey, I've ridden the Metro, after all. At least crime is out there - you see it, you know what it is. Racism is so incredibly pervasive, something that slips in silently, so much so that a gringa who is presumably in Mexico by choice! is afraid to encounter Mexicans at the ATM.

So disappointed, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I'm sorry. We have to do better than this.

Postus interruptus

Well, I was going to update with photos of Templo Mayor and today's meanderings, but the Kid started complaining of stomach cramps awhile ago, so I'm just checking for inbox essentials & posting this so those who keep track of such things know we're back in the hotel for the night. :) In fact, I'm even writing this in TextEdit up in the room, all the better to do rapid posting once I can get to the wifi after he's asleep.

Words cannot express how much I'm looking forward to Guadalajara and wifi in the room. The kid's happy that there's a pool at the hotel. Oh - and the breakfast is awesome, too. (Staying this time at the hotel I stay in when I travel there for work...) I'm not so sure that's a good thing - but we'll see. (Note to self: put bike on trainer as soon as you arrive back in Oregon. This may be the 1st trip to Mexico in which I gain weight. I blame turning 40, personally, 'cause I'm walking my butt off down here - or so I'd think...)

Guardedly optimistic that it's nothing serious with the kid's tummy. I've been really conservative about what he's had to eat or drink - and myself, too. (See above about 1st trip here to gain weight. No street food for me this time.) Vamos a ver...

I did write a long, philosophical muse about sabbatical, corporate existence, and surfing - but it may too navel-contemplative even for me. I'll take the kid's dyspepsia as a sign to let it sit overnight & see if it's worth passing on by the light of day.

Might be new photos on the Picasa album - might not. Depends on how much time I take online... if not tonight, then tomorrow morning.

Peace out.

Language - by any means necessary...

We're in the hotel dining room. I'm making bus reservations for our trip to Guadalajara on Saturday - I do need to check in at work on Monday, and we'll probably hit the zoo on Tuesday before heading back to el D.F. on Wednesday.

The kid - Nintendo-free at the moment, pending attitude and behavioral adjustments - has been granted a special dispensation to play the one game that's on my borg-issued crackberry - "Brickbreaker". "Mom, does "lento" mean "slow"?

Hey, I'll take it. Except even playing this stupid little game is ratcheting up his aggression - he's arguing with the phone - so its use may be short-lived as well. At least he's picking up vocabulary, though.

Think it's time to head upstairs, charge the phone for a bit, and head out to the Templo Mayor.

More photos are posted at the Picasa Web Album - this one is *not* linked to the slideshow at the bottom of this page, because it has a couple kid photos in it. I'll probably remove this link in a few days, too - but go ahead and check it out for now.

Hasta luego!

So appropriate somehow...

A disclaimer: I am a Catholic. Practicing, even. Ridiculously Catholic, some might say. OK, they do say it. S'ok. If the scapular fits...

So to someone who's "ridiculously Catholic", what could be more sacred than a trip to the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe than a lively pilgrimage of approximately 2000 ... clowns?!?!?

My first visit to the Basilica was itself part of a pilgrimage - people from two parishes coming together to spend a week in Mexico City, kicked off with Mass at the Basilica concelebrated by three priests who had served at one or both of the parishes over the past few years. It was an amazing day, an amazing event, one that changed my life in so many ways, including some I probably won't fully grasp for years to come. I was looking at photos from that visit tonight, and felt so grateful - so very, very grateful - for that trip, that Mass, this sacred place.

But today, my 8th or 9th or so visit to a site that's so holy, so precious to me - it was somehow appropriate to encounter the clowns. I never quite figured out where they were from, although it was clearly planned - they occupied the space reserved for pilgrims who have reserved a Mass, and even the Lector was in costume. (Hold the cracks about the presider, ok? I've heard 'em all already...)

Right now, to be a believing and practicing Catholic, I think one might need to be a bit nutty, a bit tolerant of insanity, and a bit willing to see beyond various masks, piles of make-up, and even a fake rubber nose here and there to find the Child of God beneath the artifice. One has to step back and not take this 'life' thing too seriously, and certainly not this 'Church' thing. After all, from what I remember the nuns teaching me as a kid, Jesus wandered around looking very foolish himself, saying stuff like "love your enemies" and talking about God keeping an eye on sparrows, so hey, why worry about ourselves? Craziness, right?

As I often say, I've yet to encounter anything in the gospels that indicate that Christ came to earth in order to bring us religion couched in the most vast bureaucracy and rigid rhetoric known to humanity. Maybe that's in the later books, the ones we get to read after we master that "learn to be loved by God, and share God's love freely with one another" part. I still struggle mightily with that first assignment, so I'll likely never get to the part that's more serious, that's not able to laugh at itself. That's OK. My faith can handle a few clowns. Indeed, perhaps they're precisely what the Church needs right now.

When I rode the moving walkway underneath the Image of Guadalupe today, I looked up, and although I've gazed upon her face dozens of times here, she seemed to be smiling at the scene before her, especially the crowd of pilgrims in funny shoes and facepaint. We are all loved, silliness and masks we hide behind and all. She knows us, she sees us, she loves us, and is is good. So very, very good.

Museo y Pesero y Metro, oh my!

6.5 horas. That's how long the Kid & I spent at the Museo Nacional de Antropología today. If the best way to learn a language is via immersion, today was a day to let him 'learn' rudimentary lessons in "el D.F." - gently, but yeah - in full-body immersion.

We began with breakfast - gratis at the hotel, a little feature which almost makes up for the lack of Internet access. Except they charged me anyway. Oh well. Then a walk down Cinco de Mayo, past Belles Artes, through the Alameda, and over to Paseo de la Reforma. From there, we took a pesero to Chapultepec Park. A definition I found for "pesero" today - "Pequeño autobús que no cumple con ninguna regla de seguridad." Well, yo no cumplo con ninguna regla de seguridad también. Or something like that.

Peseros are probably among the best artifacts to explain - to the degree that such an explanation is even possible - why I so love this place, but that's probably best saved for another post. We found ourselves on Reforma at Juarez - my favorite intersection - pointing at the street to signal the rattling steel deathtrap on wheels to shudder to a halting stop, receive our 3.5 pesos apiece (about $.30), and carry on toward what we hoped would not be our final destination.

The visit to the museum ... well, for the first time in four visits in the past year, I went through all of the rooms. The Kid insisted on it. We also have upwards of 500 digital photos to process. A couple of times I caught myself pleading with him to slow down, to take the time to study what he was photographing. Of course, each time I made the plea, he stopped and asked me to translate the descriptions of the artifacts. Had we kept that up, we'd still be there tonight. There's a lot of artifacts in that museum... lots. The descriptions aren't exactly brief, either.

Another pesero careened us back to El Angel de la Independencia - didn't brave traffic to cross over to see her today, but did note the relative accessibility of the monument compared to the US' Statue of Liberty. We continued on into the Zona Rosa, stopping at Cafebraria el Pendulo for a light dinner. That little bookstore/coffeehouse/restaurant is a close second - after the Basilica de Guadalupe - on my list of favorite places in Mexico City. The Kid enjoyed it as well, and added it to the list of places to visit again before we leave town this weekend.

Our trip back - el Metro! Since the Kid's just 10, we were able to get on one of the "Mujeres y Niños" cars from Insurgentes to Pino Suarez; Pino Suarez to Zocalo had no gender-segregated cars, but wasn't nearly as crowded, either. Having heard all sorts of stories about the Metro, I think he was a bit underwhelmed all in all, other than being impressed by the price - two pesos ($.18, maybe?) per passenger - to go anywhere on the system - anywhere at all.

So now we're back at the hotel. He watched an episode of Pokemon in Spanish (his gratitude will be duly conveyed to the Teacher when next they meet), I checked email & paid a few bills from the hotel lobby. Doing some photo cleanup now, and writing this post in TextEdit, so when I make a pilgrimage downstairs later tonight it'll be quick to post.

I don't think he quite gets it why this place is so important to me, but then again, he looked at me perplexed at lunch today and said "You really can speak Spanish when you want to, can't you." Um... well, yeah. Baby steps. Tomorrow - more immersion, more español, more Metro, and another pesero too, maybe. Today - today is enough for today.

Beginning Day Two

The Teacher called late last night to check in. He gently urged me to reconsider my anti-Pokemon stance with regard to the Kid, at least while we're here. "If he's watching something he's interested in, he will pick up the language more easily." Have I mentioned that the Teacher teaches ... well... Spanish? OK. Point well taken.

I heard back from work people, too - looks like I'll be in the office in Guadalajara next week for a day or two. It'll be interesting - I don't have my laptop, don't have the wellspring of all information about the work they're doing, and have very few resources accessible to help them out - but I do have knowledge and experience, and a really, really strong desire to see these guys succeed at what they're taking on. Kid will likely go to the office with me, which may be an oddity for them - I don't think kids visit work all that often down here - but will be pretty ho-hum for he who first visited the cubicle farm when he was about five days old.

The hotel lacks adequate Internet access, but does have free breakfast, so we're availing ourselves of that now. Off to the Museum of Anthropology later.

Day One in el DF

One day down. Exhausted & heading to bed pretty soon. Just realizing all of the complexity of bringing the child whom I so adore into the city that feels like it's worked its way into my bones. I did nap today, eventually, and it wasn't just the sleep of one who insanely opted to take a redeye with a child, but it was the peaceful dozing of one who finds such comfort in this utterly insane place. And then I woke up to a kid engrossed in Nintendo, and had to figure out a plan to move past that.

It's sort of surreal being back here now. Ten days ago, I was with the Student, wandering around, pretty much open for whatever might come. Now I'm with a kid who speaks no Spanish. I've probably spoken more Spanish in the past 24 hours than I did in any 48-hour period during the 3.5 weeks I was in the country before. It's fun seeing things through the kid's eyes, but also hard to try to translate it all. Everything.

So I'm trying to introduce these two loves to one another. The child was thrilled to find Spanish-language Pokemon on the Cartoon Network in the hotel room. Not so excited about tortas, and even the hamburger he had at the torta place didn't meet his standards. On the other hand, the soup and pasta at Sanborn's - "I'd rate it a 9.5." He's making very halting attempts to use the few Spanish words he's picked up in school, and was fascinated to skim textbooks used in primary schools here and realize that, in general, kids are expected to work much, much harder than he's had to do to date.

Tomorrow's probably going to be the Museum of Anthropology and the Angel of Independence. Maybe we'll add a trip into the Zona Rosa, depending on how time and energy levels go. Tomorrow night we'll see "WALL-E", which was originally on tonight's agenda, but neither of us were sure we'd stay awake in a dark theater. The Basilica of Nuestra Senora de Guadalupe will be on Wednesday... and then there's Thursday and Friday to figure out. We'll probably head west on Saturday - maybe Queretaro, but most likely just to Guadalajara, so I can stick my head in the office there for a few days.

But that's all later. Not now. Now - heading back up to the room to crawl into bed and sleep. I sleep here. And it is good...

Sleep deprivation

(Written earlier at a painfully early hour...)

It's 7:33am in Guadalajara, which is 5:33am in Portland. The familiar red-eye was exhausting this time. Maybe turning 40 pushed me past a milestone that should've signaled that I'm too damn old to be taking red-eyes now. Or maybe it was taking the red-eye with a ten year old who wanted to sleep but never could get comfortable that, in retrospect, was ill-advised.

No matter, I guess - Mexicana is pulling out of the Portland market in September. An employee in Portland told me last night that there's a campaign to save the two daily flights, but I'm not holding out much hope for success there.

Anyway - coffee in hand, writing in TextEdit because the wifi in the Guadalajara airport is down. Child's tired, but entertained with a Pokemon somethingorother on his gameboy. Disinclined to argue since, hey, neither of us have slept in about 23 hours, and a content kid is a happy mom.

American Mommy in Mexico wrote this week about her kids' discovery of the joys of playing with clothespins. I can dream that over the course of these next few weeks, Nintendo will be replaced by a curiosity about this culture into which we've landed. I can hope that he'll see Mexico, but maybe it's more realistic to hope that this little trip will pique his interest and help with the discussions to come about spending a year down here in the not too distant future.

Those discussions can wait, though. Too sleepy now to think about much beyond getting back into el DF, getting to the hotel, and face-planting on the bed.

Mea culpa, mea culpa...

Mea maxima culpa...

Short form:

• Guadalajara


• Tlaquepaque


• Queretaro. Spent my 40th b-day there, and with the exception of the absence of one kidlet whom I so adore, it was one of my best birthdays in ages. Spent some time in the morning wandering around the beautiful Centro Historico, up Cinco de Mayo and down Libertad, and exploring. Lunch at a fabulous Indian restaurant (!), and then an amazing dinner with various surprises from The Student, who plotted at length, it seems, to pull it all off. Queretaro is stunning. Trying to figure out how to wedge at least 1-2 days there into the next bit of the trip.


• Mexico City - again. July 10-11, a bittersweet time. We left late on the 11th, and it also meant the end of three really great weeks traveling with someone who's like a brother to me, time we'll not easily be able to pull off again for a loooooong time - if ever.

And so I'm back in Puddletown now. Kid's hanging with my folks for a bit while I pack. We leave tomorrow to fly back to Mexico City. We're in Mexico for two weeks, then will take a quick trip to Chicago (long story), fly back to Mexico for one more week, and then will be back in Oregon on the 14th. I'll be back in the office on the 19th or 20th, I suppose. Financially, it's what needs to be, and with the economy the way it is right now, turning up my nose at my all-in-all very good job would be sheer lunacy.

But I'm fantasizing about next year. About taking 6-9 months, selling the house, packing up the kidlet, and heading south. He's intrigued by the idea. I'm dreaming...

First, though - packing, and getting ourselves there tomorrow. One day at a time, right? (Patience has never been my strong suit...)

With any luck, blog updates will happen a bit more often. Can't go out at night nearly as much with a 10 y/o kid as I can with a 31 y/o grad student! To be continued...

Next - Queretaro! (Yes, again.)

First - my apologies for the lack of photos here. I'm posting on Facebook - this link should get you to a public album with some Mexico City shots.

There's only one thing I miss about my Windoze-based Stinkpad over my MacBook Air - the Picasa interface to Blogger. Trying to use Blogger to upload photos has been a PITA at best, and mostly hasn't worked at all. Will probably just source images from my Picasa web album, but don't have enough battery life to do that right now.

Anyway - in Guadalajara tonight. The Teacher (who was a friend visiting from the States) has returned home. The Student is off in another town an hour or so away visiting other friends. The Kid should be home in Oregon by now after two weeks with the paternal grandparents. As for me, I'm sitting in the hotel lobby - the only place with working wifi - uploading photos and catching up on email, as well as planning Part Deux of this sabbatical. (More Mexico, a bit of San Jose, a little blip of Chicago...)

Heading up to the room to pack soon and prepare for tomorrow. I'll take a bus around noon to Queretaro, where I'll spend Tues/Wed nights - yes, including my 40th birthday on Wednesday! Student will take a bus from where he's spending tonight and will arrive tomorrow late afternoon as well. No real plans, just a few more leisurely days before heading back to the States on Friday.

Really loving just wandering around Plaza Tapatia here in Guadalajara today - a coupel hours this morning, then more earlier this evening. This is where I first fell in love with Mexico, and you always remember that first hint of love, even as time passes and love changes, grows, deepens...

It's raining - we had a great thunderstorm earlier today, just light showers now, cooling off the hot city. It'll be good to head back east, where it's a little cooler than it is over here.

OK. Rambling. Must be bedtime. Go check out the Facebook photos from above. (I don't think you need to be on Facebook to see them, just to comment.)

(Randomness from yesterday)

Wherein your author finds herself On The Bus

"On the Bus" is, of course, an euphemism for being 'familia', a "friend of Dorothy", queer, gay - something that's amused me greatly these past couple of weeks. It's felt like I've been "on the bus" way more than off it some days. Today - the 7-hour trip from Mexico City to Guadalajara. This, just four days after returning from Queretaro and Celaya, and only three short days before taking a bus back to Queretaro, and then taking another bus from Queretaro back to Mexico City.

On the one hand, I want to stay parked in one place when I bring the kid back in a few weeks. On the other hand, there's just so much to see in this phenomenally beautiful country, and the buses are safe, inexpensive, and a great way to get from place to place to place to place. So very many places, so little time.

I've been a bad blogger the past couple of weeks, owing more to spotty ideas about what to write than spotty Internet access, I'm afraid. I s'pose I can dig through photos and write up a few chronicles of high points of the previous days, but I've been more preoccupied with some of the thoughts that kick in when one finally takes enough time away from the pressure cooker of the borg to just breathe.

Such as: Is this (work) how I'm to be spending the precious moments of my life?

Don't get me wrong. My job (at least as I left it a few weeks ago; heaven only knows what reorgs have taken place or are planned to come - and the one I do know about isn't exactly a source of comfort) - it just rocks. Love it, feel challenged by it, learn a huge amount from it - and the pay's not exactly an insult, either. But - it's all starting to feel like a treadmill, a little less like life, a little more like being a cog in a handful of wheels - work, church, school - with next to nothing left over to even just be with the kid and explore this vast world.

If I go back to a job that's not markedly different from the one I left, or if one of the proposed little pilots out there managed to get some feet in my absence, maybe it's workable for a bit longer. Maybe even 5.5 more years - time remaining 'til my next sabbatical's available.

All things I think about on seven-hour trips across Mexico. My friends on the bus are curled up asleep in their seats, unable to offer any distraction, and as my mind settles into this 'sabbatical' mode, thoughts that are otherwise buried under day-to-day getting through wakeup/kiduniform/schoolattendance/workcommute/meeting/meeting/meeting/meeting/lunchincubiclemeeting/meeting/meeting/commute/kidpickup/homework/dinner/bedtime/workemailcatchup/collapse - lather, rinse, repeat - come to the forefront.

But we're just 15 minutes out of Guadalajara now, my traveling companions will awaken soon, and I can rest again in the more peaceful, mundane question of how to spend the next few hours, and let the next 20 years take care of themselves.

Plan, plan... what is plan?

Before I left on sabbatical, some colleagues were teasing me about the lack of much of a plan that I have for these eight or so weeks. Now - admittedly, there's some family stuff going on that's causing me to hesitate to cast it all in stone, but even without that as a factor, these past two weeks have already been a lesson in how little control we mere humans truly have, and an adventure in living in the moment.

Still in Queretaro. The plan for today was for the Student to go to an archive here, and for me to visit the art museum (a former convent) and a regional cultural museum, and then to do a little shopping for folks who've asked me to bring stuff back besides Guadalupe souvenirs, Catholic kitsch, or pharmaceuticals.

But upon arrival at the archive, the Student learned that it was closed for the week. OK - on to Plan B, an archive in Ceyala, a city about 60km or so away, mas o menos. (I will learn to do accents, truly I will.) Took a taxi from the zocalo in Queretaro to the bus station and hopped the first bus to Ceyala. And in Ceyala - the archive was unexpectedly closed - the one person who controlled access had taken the day off.

And so it goes.

Two weeks ago, I think my borg-brain would've still been in overdrive, trying to construct some sort of solution to it all. Instead, we had lunch in Ceyala and then caught a bus back to Queretaro, where I proceeded to wander over to a local mall to check things out (and picked up a CD). Lazy evening in the hotel, complete with room service and watching a movie the Student had brought along.

Tomorrow - back to el DF - Mexico City. Or such is the plan for now. Another friend is headed into town on Wednesday, and because of his tight schedule, I think we'll probably have some semblance of structure from Wednesday through Sunday. All bets are off from Sunday 'til the flight home on the 11th, though. Might be back in Queretaro, might be in Guadalajara, and a new name came up today - Guanajuato. That could happen, too. That's next week, though. For now, this week is enough.

Or even this evening.

For those keeping track at home, we've been on three bus lines now:

• ETN - the elegant "executive" service. So smooth of a ride it's not even real - floating around enough to make Dramamine a good travel accompaniment.


• Primera Plus - nearly as elegant as ETN, same weird floating feeling, just a little less space per seat.


• Flecha Amarilla - which I've only just learned this instant owns Primera Plus. That explains why, when we went to the Primera Plus counter in Ceyala to get tickets back to Queretaro today, we ended up on a Flecha Amarilla bus. Much less elegant, no bathrooms, but the sensation of being on a sailboat was absent, too.

Going to check out ETN schedules for our trip back to el DF tomorrow. Still a few posts behind, but hope to catch up soon.

Thunderstorms in Queretaro

Dear God, how I love thunderstorms...

Internet connection is spotty; there's a huge thunderstorm over Queretaro right now, Santiago de Queretaro, to be precise. (And no, I'm not sure how to make the accents with the Mac; if I figure it out, I'll come back and correct this post.)

I'm about five days overdue for updating this thing - lots to tell about Zamora, about La Marcha del Orguello de el DF (LGBT Pride) yesterday - 200,000 people in attendance according to the official report, which means it can be off by an order of magnitude here or there. Might write more tomorrow; for now, I think I'm just going to listen to the rain and the thunder and lightning, and be very much at peace.

Zamora, Michoacan

This'll be a short post, sin fotos (without pictures). Both my laptop battery & camera batteries are on their last little bits of power, but I thought I'd check in.

We took a 6.5 hour bus trip to Zamora, a little town in Michoacan. The Student has a meeting with a professor tomorrow, and I'm going to wander around town, checking out the place. Right now I'm sitting poolside at the hotel, listening to the crickets, and enjoying an utterly perfect evening. It's maybe 65 degrees, 50% humidity ... bliss.

Once the laptop & camera are resurrected, I'll post a few more photos to the Picasaweb page; if you click the link a post or two down, you'll get the latest (there's maybe 48 photos there now). Already found things to check out in Zamora - just not tonight.

Feeling grateful for so very much tonight - to the borg for that 'sabbatical' thing, to my family for encouraging me to make this trip, to everyone who's helping out with the Kid (who is in Georgia tonight - first night of two weeks!), to the Student for asking me to come along on this part of his research. (Somehow I don't think Zamora would've been on my short list of places to visit otherwise; I didn't even know it existed!)

More tomorrow, 'night for now. Listenin' to the crickets.

The Revolution May Not Be Televised...

...but the Sabbatical Will Be Blogged - And Photographed.

Finally managed to get the Picasa Web Album doohickey figured out. There's a slideshow of the first 14 images (not yet tagged) floating at the bottom of the page - or you can simply go to the public album at your leisure.

And with that, this geekgrrrl's gonna get some rest. Hasta luego.

But first...

Before last night's hellish hotel experience (OK, it was pretty funny), I had the extraordinary privilege and joy of attending the Mexico City production of Eve Ensler's fabulous theatrical experience, the "V Monologues". (No, I've not developed a sudden twinge of prudishness; I know of a few folks following my rambling musings who would find the full text extremely NSFW.)

I've not seen the US production, although I've read a bit of the text, and thought I knew what to expect. I was surprised by how deeply moved I was by the experience, and that was even given that I only understood 50-60% of the rapid colloquial Spanish with which it was presented. Some of it transcended any language barriers, though, such as the quite convincing rendition of los gritos ("las gritas"?!?) during the latter portion of the show. The production's hot, steamy, serious, challenging, devastating, joyous, shattering, and an utterly amazing reflection of the joys of being a woman. I can't recommend it highly enough, and may go back to see it again here before the summer's through.

The production is in a little hotel in the Zona Rosa ("Pink Zone"), the LGBT part of town. There's daily showings, and I was surprised to see that well over 150 people - mostly women, but some intrepid men as well - were in attendance. The three women who presented the 'monologues' were very different, yet the joy and emotion they brought to the storytelling was so consistent, and so incredibly profound.

There's a post I've yet to write and can't quite figure out how to frame yet, although I think I'll situate it in the context of the Mexico City Metro (subway). Being una mujer in el DF is qualitatively something unlike anything I've experienced. The Metro has certain hours when only women and children can ride in certain cars. There's buses along Paseo de la Reforma during rush hour that are reserved for women only.

An analysis of women on public transport in Mexico City isn't inconsistent at all with a theater review of the "V Monologues" - just not sure where to take it yet. Suffice it to say that if you've not seen the production, get thee to the nearest one. And if the nearest one is in el DF, let me know. I'll go again.

The Metro - that's another post, for another day. Maybe this day, since it's past midnight now in el DF, but we'll see.

Livin' it up at the Hotel California

I kid you not - that song was blaring at about 12:30am this morning from a bar across the street from the Hotel San Francisco, the latest stop on our hotel tour of Mexico. After four days at one place with no working phones and marginal at best Internet, we picked the next stop based on location - near the Alameda and just a couple blocks from the previous place - and a few reviews.

The first clue that things were amiss was their inability to find the prepaid reservation. No matter - they gave us rooms anyway. My room had a large metal "X" blocking the window. Fellow borg-dwellers will recognize the feature - it's earthquake-proofing. The beds were conveniently pre-indented by all of the bodies who've slept (or not) on them over the past 40 years. They promised wireless Internet and gave us a code; when no signal was picked up, they shrugged - no problem. No Internet. The phone in the rooms worked, and as promised, phonecard calls were allowed - but were double-charged. Using the phonecard would result in the same two-dollar per minute rate as a direct dial call - as well as depleting the phonecard.

Nothing, though, compared to the band playing loud 1980s/1990s rock at an ear-splitting volume just across the street. Did I mention that the street was a sound corridor? The hotel was tall, and a new building was being built across the narrow street - a wall of uninterrupted concrete. Made a perfect echo chamber and amplified the noise quite nicely.

I'll skip the other details - the 70 or so teenagers - mostly from the US - who seemed to have the run of the place, without chaperones. Or the 50 or so ten year olds who were running around the lobby. Oh, and then there was the matter of not one but both elevators going out at about midnight, one crammed full of teenagers.

The Student wandered out just before midnight (he took the stairs) to make a phone call from a Telcel phone on the street. I camped out in my room and tried to read, but it would've been like reading at Satyricon or the Pine Street back in the day. So instead, I sat in the groove in the bed and sang along. I also decided that four-day reservations be damned, we were getting out of there today.

And so we did, packing up and checking out this morning. The rooms were prepaid, and I'll take that up with the online agency tomorrow. (The hotel lied about the availability of some services, so I'm prepared to put on my pushy lawyer hat with the travel company to get at least some of the money coughed up.) By 11am, we'd found another hotel and proved the song wrong. They may check us out any time they like - but at least we were able to leave.

We're now ensconced in a place where the Student stayed several years ago, conveniently located to the Zocalo and Cathedral, lovely rooms, nice staff, great rooftop courtyard, absence of Eagles, Radiohead, Nirvana, and other covers. Oh - and the elevators work. Bonus. I think I'll sleep tonight.

Up for a bit still - maybe I'll get some photos posted. Still trying to figure out photo resizing on the Mac. Oy vey.

Moving Day

OK, not really. Moving from one hotel to another that's about 2.5 blocks away. The first hotel was booked from the US for four days; now that it's clear that we'll be in el DF for another four days, we're heading to a hotel just slightly better-located, with the added benefit of allowing long-distance phonecard calls from the hotel room.

Not a whole lot else to report. I'm trying to figure out how to use iPhoto to manipulate photos so I can post them easily, but haven't sorted that out yet. Picasa doesn't seem to work on OSX, but a friend said yesterday that she was pretty sure it'd work somehow, so that may be a task for later today. We'll see.

El DF is ... el DF. Nothing quite like it. I'm still in love with this place of 20-30 millionish people. I'm remembering my conversation from last summer with an expat who'd been here something like 40 years - "Nobody really knows how many people live in Mexico City; if the government really counted them, they'd have to provide services for them all, so it's best for them to remain vague about exact numbers." Sobering thought - and yet also curiously compelling. It's a good place to detox from the inflated sense of importance that working at the borg can bring. 30 million people here just don't give a damn. ;)

The photo above is from an outdoor Dali sculpture exhibition that's about a kilometer from the hotel where we've been staying. I'm hoping to get to the rest of the exhibition at a nearby musuem before we leave town next week.

And no, I don't know where the next stop is - not yet. Maybe Queretaro?

Did I say something about Mexico?

Mexico City. Two days in, and I'm just now beginning to exhale, to settle into my own skin again in a way that I only really feel when I'm here. My earlier posts about "have a nervous breakdown" as an item on my to-do list before the trip were telling; thankfully, that's one of many tasks that I didn't manage to accomplish before leaving.

The hotel we're staying in for a few days has spotty Internet access, so my idea of blogging daily (at least) may not be met. Crackberry's functioning just fine, though, so I can at least get email at my gmail address as needed. But two days immersed in Mexico, and I'm already asking myself why I bothered to have any sort of "goal". It's enough to breathe, and the breathing's blessedly good down here.

A couple notes for the casual reader. The Kid is still up in Portland, hanging with his dad, dad's SO, and dog. He'll travel to visit his paternal grandparents in a week, freshly-equipped with his first cellphone and email. Should you be of the sort who might know him and wish to drop him a note or call, let me know & I'll give you the info.

I'm traveling for a few weeks now with one who'll be tagged "the Student" - a close friend working on a PhD in Latin American History. Such a providential arrangement - I don't know that I'd think to travel to some of the places where he needs to go to check out archives; I don't know that he'd necessarily be able to do as much of that travel without the flexibility that having someone around who's not living on a student budget can provide. Works well - I'll be seeing some parts of Mexico that I'd not likely encounter on my own - ever.

But for now - our second day in my favorite city, one I not only would find on my own, but in which I spent eight days in December, solely because Mexicana had a fare sale and the ticket was too cheap to pass up. It's sooooooo good to be back.

Yesterday was surreal, as I kept asking myself and the Student - "Are we really in Mexico?" It was a day with few plans. The Student had a couple things to take care of at the Basilica, so we trekked over there, said hi to Nuestra Madre, and just reveled in the peace of being present there. I had a bit of business to do for someone from the Kid's school - so we did that too. We closed the evening wandering around the Zona Rosa ("Pink Zone"), dinner and being among familia. Not bad at all.

Today the Student is doing studenty things - meeting with a professor here, checking out a library there. I took the Metro with him out to his first appointment, and in the course of trying to find the building where he was to go, we tripped over a few librarios - bookstores. And so I find myself in one of those now. I'm always struck by the depth and breadth of the works that appear not just in Mexican bookstores, but even in the piles of books sold by street vendors. No less notable is the literacy - cultural and otherwise - that's just an assumed trait of the educated classes here. Of course, the class divisions are significant, and I'm acutely aware of the privilege I'm accorded as a gringa running around town. Lots to think about every time I'm here, and now I have time - nothing but time - to think.

Will probably hang out here for another hour or so - get an editing job done that's way overdue, and then venture back to the Metro to pick the next destination for the day.