What I'll miss most...

If I do this academic year in Mexico thing during 2009-2010, what I'll miss most may be surprising. I know I will long for my little veal pen of a cube at MegaCorp.

OK, not really. The 5x9 "compressed cube" with soft grey padded walls is far from an emotional experience for me, but the people who wander around it simply rock.

There's a tradition at our company around sabbaticals. When someone from the cube-dwellers' world returns from sabbatical, they are treated to some sort of cube remodel or redecoration - or else a practical joke of sorts that lets them know they were gone for eight or so weeks, but not forgotten. Our little area has turned this into an art form.

My then-manager/mentor/friend took off on her sabbatical last summer. Before her return, everything in her office was wrapped in aluminum foil. Everything.

We helped unwrap it after she returned and pictures were taken, but being good, socially-conscious Oregonians - what were we to do with all of that foil?!? Why - recycle! So - each subsequent sabbatical has meant not only coming up with an idea for how to best modify the soulless little box in honor of our colleague's return, but also how to reuse the foil.

One colleague is a dog fanatic, so her office was turned into a kennel, with stuffed pooches parked here and there, doggie bowls and a placemat, and a "leash" made from the foil. Those chains were then repurposed for my return, draped across the entryway of my office, and tied to a large ball with an ankle ring around it - the proverbial "ball and chain".

My office redecoration is the photo on top. Yeah - it was turned into a Starbucks. Those of you who've known me awhile may remember that I was a store manager & district skills' trainer back in the olden days, starting before the company went public and quitting when it hit about 100 stores. I still have my skills' trainer certificate hanging in my cube; it's not visible in this picture, but is just to the right of the "Viva Mexico" banner. That banner's one of the few things from my "normal" (is there such a thing?) cubicle; everything else was moved under the desk so the espresso machines could be put in place, along with cups, napkins, brochures, and beans. A sign on the wall read "In case sabbatical reentry doesn't work out, Plan B: Starbucks!"

Best of all, they gave me a bottled Mocha Frappucino, a couple boxes of pastries (shared with the hospitality staff at my parish later that day) and a box of biscotti. :)

It was great to come back to such a thoughtful and funny cube remodel. I headed off to San Jose the next day, and my friends restored my cube to its previous glory (?).

So that's the tradition. In this case, it's particularly touching, though, because while we all used to work in the same little organization, reorgs have scattered us to different subteams within a much bigger group. Truth be told, we all still do work together closely; we're friends, we know each other's areas of expertise, and the result of any two or more of us working together always produces something greater than just the sum of each of our individual work products.

I really missed these people.

One of them wasn't there to see the results of the redecoration. The colleague who covered my sabbatical went off on his own eight-week break two weeks before my return. I'm his primary coverage in his absence. He's also the one who comes up with many of the great ideas for what to do to the cubes, and then he somehow manages to avoid doing any of the work. Early October - payback time!

So what does this have to do with the kid, with me, with Mexico? Well ... nothing's written in stone yet, and the amount of work to do between now and June-ish looks daunting. BUT - the first pass at surveying the "veto-holders" of such an endeavor is over, and the responses are pretty clear. "Go south, chica!" The kid's dad & I talked about it over sushi last night. What're the dates we're thinking? What do I know about schools? Would we be in Mexico City, Guadalajara, or ...? What's the latitude, and the altitude? What's it like there?

Yeah. It's looking like the first stage - "Is this even remotely possible" - is a go. Now - moving on to the next steps.

It's funny - part of my job at work is managing content details for our lifecycle frameworks - the guides for how we do development across lots of different teams. I now find myself looking at this adventure of a year in Mexico as yet another project, with milestones and decision checkpoints. I'm identifying stakeholders, and if I'm not careful, I may even call a meeting - with PowerPoint.

Oh. A couple of y'all have asked if I'll continue to work while I'm there. I dunno, but I'm optimistic. The company is on the list of "significant stakeholders" - but not necessarily a veto-holder. Didn't see the point of jumping into that discussion before getting the green light from those who could raise issues that'd get me to call off the analysis already. However, I've passed the idea by some folks with good initial responses, so ... we'll see. Stay tuned. Maybe they'll let me take my comfy little cube with me...

"Only do what you can do"

Theme for the day.

Today was my first real day back at what work's like most of the time. Sure, I officially went back last week, but I spent most of the week at our Bay Area site, not here, and spent very little time on-campus. I have a mountain of articles to read to prep for the conference in two weeks in Spain, and they've taken most of my work-related brain cells this past week.

But today I went back to the cubicle maze and parked myself in my little pen for the day. Know what? It felt fabulous. First, I realized that I truly do work with some of the very best and brightest people in my discipline, and I've missed them. Next - well, our cafeteria is utterly kick-@ss. I eat much better at work than at home.

I needed the facetime today, and also needed to check in with various people to give them updates. As I think I've mentioned (yeah - I must've; M sent email about it), my mom's on hospice. At some point, I'll be checking out of work - probably with little notice - and won't be back for a bit. I checked into the company's leave policies, but due to some of the oddities of my job (intensely flexible schedule - which is my salvation), taking intermittent FMLA leave would mean 1) having to work a normal schedule, and 2) getting my wages docked for the hours that I'm not working a normal schedule. If I don't take leave, well, then I'm just on my 'normal' intensely flexible schedule.

In other words, taking the leave to gain flexibility will lose flexibility - and money. Four different people at grade levels much higher than my own, including one who lost a parent last year, all said the same thing - "You would be freaking insane to even think about it, because if you do, [insurance company] calls the shots. If you don't, [employer] calls the shots, and they're way more humane."

What's been brought home for me over the past few days is that, contrary to a nickname someone I dated briefly gave me once, I am not "Elastigirl" from The Incredibles. I cannot do everything. And so a phrase my therapist drilled into my head comes back to me - "Only do what you can do." (Doobie-doobie-doo.)

The house is ... chaos. The dandelion farm has taken over any semblance of whatever was once a lawn. The fireplace tile is finally done - 2.5 years and $1100 later. Chimney cap must be replaced before the rainy season starts. The upstairs toilet is acting weird, and a downstairs ceiling needs a patch. The basement is a mess. The stove still isn't fully settled, and any plants growing in the yard are in need of attention.

School is starting a week from tomorrow. For once, school supplies are purchased, but I've done nothing about uniforms yet. Soccer starts tomorrow; bought cleats ... today.

Only do what you can do.

That's going to be my mantra for the next couple of months, I think. Only do what I can do, and not feel guilty about what I cannot do. Sounds so simple... but then again, I'm Catholic. Guilt'R'Us. It means not taking family leave, not dropping work altogether, because it's what's staving off depression (well, and poverty ;^) ) right now. It means not doing a couple of committees at the school this year - or at least this fall. It may even mean selling the house & moving to a condo - we'll see.

It means being very, very aware of my limits, and honoring them. We'll see how that goes.

Enough for now. Off to groom the cats and tackle another article before bedtime. (Oh - and the photo's from Queretaro, first night we were there back in late June.)

Of those 43 things...

Once upon a time, I was a devotee of 43things. Haven't been there in ...wow, maybe a couple of years. Thinking about going back to check it out.

What prompted this? Well - the thought occurred to me a couple of times in Mexico, and I've also mentioned it in some of the courses I teach for the corporate masters as a handy-dandy way of visualizing real-life "Evo" at a personal, rather than software (or silicon) development project level. Pretty nifty.

But it came to mind again today as I flailed in the pool over at the condo where the Student and the Teacher live. Once upon a time, I took swim lessons for a bit. At six, the kid was terrified of water, terrified of doing something that he wasn't really good at, and our astute pediatrician noted that he really needed to see me struggle with something, so he'd get the idea that it's OK for things to be really hard sometimes, and that even failure is OK - it's perseverance that's essential.

So - we both took swimming lessons. He stuck with it, and swims fairly well. Once he was off being a little fishy, I stopped. (OK, his soccer games also conflicted with the adult swim class, but still...)

The Student was on swim team in HS (I think), and is an excellent swimmer. The Teacher & I are his students now - although the Teacher's further along than I am. I was going to go down and hang out and watch them swim, and then at the last minute decided, no, I'd get in the pool. Terrified, not wanting to make a fool of myself, hating my cyclists-body-gone-slack-from-no-riding ... even with all of that, I'd do it.

So I did. It was a blast - enough so that we didn't make it out of the pool in time for dinner before I needed to leave to catch my flight back to Portland, but that's OK. It was cutting it close, but I'm through security, and in the amazingly wifi-enabled SJC now, waiting for the flight home. I get to see me my kidlet tonight, which makes me happy. I miss him when I travel...

I'm sure there's all sorts of lessons in this little swim experience, and it's one I'll probably spend time meditating on over the next week or so. It was good. It was fun.

(And no. No photos. :) )

Not Mexico

Astute readers will note that while "Santa Clara" is, in fact, technically a Spanish phrase ("Saint Clare"), Toto and I are not in Kansa... er, Mexico now.

Nope.

Nor is the photo current - it dates from mid-July. However, I am in San Jose right now, and work in Santa Clara when I'm here. This trip was a "check in with the colleagues" visit - and ended up also being a "have a discussion with a senior manager about a couple of concerns" chat as well. My job's such that coworkers are scattered all around the globe, but there's a definite critical mass here in the Bay Area, and as a result, I'm here pretty often. Looks like "pretty often" will translate into "nearly every other week for a couple of days", at least through the fall. There's a significant project underway that's testing some of my work, and I've been asked to be very proactive in embedding myself with that team, walking with them as they take it on. O... kay.

Lots of ambiguity (surprise, surprise) - including whether the guy who actually pays me out of his budget wants to support that effort, but it's important enough that it'll get worked out sooner or later. In the meantime, I get to spend time with family and friends down here. Hung out awhile today with a friend from the borg who bailed about a year ago, and moved with his family - kids were around The Kid regularly as young tots - to Cupertino. Tomorrow's an evening with ...oh, let's say "The Theologian", and I'm staying with the Student and the Teacher from earlier in sabbatical.

But it's not Mexico. And no, I've not put everything around the concept of spending a school year there on hold, not in the slightest. Several conversations last week, including with my mom, her cousin, a few folks at work, one of the Kid's godparents. May write up an Evo plan for it later this weekend, but that's only because I'm a hopeless geek.

More work tomorrow, then the City in the evening. Mmm... feels so good to be here.

Back

But is it a sign?

Went to get a very badly-needed haircut this morning. My regular stylist was booked between now & when I go to SJC next week, so I scheduled an appointment with a different stylist at the salon. Anglo-sounding name... but no. She's from Irapuato, her boyfriend is from el DF. We had a great time talking about Mexico, about my thoughts about living down there for a year, etc.. She told me about an Anglo couple who moved to Irapuato two years ago, initially just to take a break from this crazy culture - but they ended up staying.

Wow.

Reentry's been OK so far. Got home late to find the friend who's been crashing at my place off/on still here. We stayed up talking 'til 2:30am, and he's given me plenty of food for thought about how to get through the next year or so at work, how to possibly get the borg to support me telecommuting from Mexico for a year, and especially about how I might manage quite well as a single parent with a kid in Mexico. Still seems a little daunting - but vamos a ver.

Waiting to hear from the person who's tending the cats. Now that my hair's dealt with, the kid's hair is next. Then checking in with the folks, laundrylaundrylaundrylaundry - and starting to contemplate the metaphysics of (shudder) returning to the cube farm on Monday.

Oh, and finding the freakin' camera cable so I can post photos. On the flight yesterday I was thinking about how I can post a photo a day from the summer with commentary, and that it'll get me through the next year. Just might work...

OK. Back to reality for now. See a couple of y'all this weekend, I hope.

Leavin'...

... on a midnight plane to Portland...

Yeah. Busily packing, trying to figure out if it'll all fit (somehow), if I need to get another piece of luggage (oh please no), or if, as a friend suggested last night, I just leave some stuff here. Well, the kid has two pairs of jeans that he's waaaaay outgrown - they may stay. But I don't think that's enough to let us get away with it.

I'm afraid it'll have to be luggage.

Anyway - last day. Our flight is after dark tonight, and yeah - we do get into Stumptown after midnight. Not sure what's on the agenda for today - kid would love to take a boat trip in Chapultepec Park, but I'm not sure we can pull that off. Maybe.

I realized this morning that for the first time in a long time, I don't know when I'm coming back. For a couple of years now, I've had at least a sense of a month when I'll be back in Mexico, and since last summer, I've known when the next trip would be (December, February, June...). Now - no clue.

Bringing the kid here for 3.5 weeks was partly a test - how would we manage? Well - being a single parent in Mexico isn't necessarily a lot harder than being a single parent in the US, and in some respects it's been easier, if artificially so. It'd certainly force my "ragged individualistic" self (thanks, Prof. C) to rely on others a whole lot more. But y'know, that's a lesson I can work on in Portland, too.

So - no easy answers. For now, it's a matter of taking the first question - do I need to get luggage? My fiscally-minded self says "no way" - but y'know, it may well be the path of least resistance, and today, when I'm sad about leaving the country & dreading going back to the cube farm, taking the easy road is tempting. So... we'll see.

Today's goal

Figure out if I can get all our stuff back to the US without getting more luggage. I think I can - but we'll see. Sent one suitcase back to the West Coast with the Student from Chicago last week, so we just have the one, plus our daypacks. I really hope it'll work, but...

From my list - we did get to the Basilica, and did get one of the books for the Student - a lovely large art/architecture study of convents in the 1800s, or some such stuff. Contacted friend in Tlaxcala; didn't hear back, but hopefully she's not upset that we didn't make it this trip. Haven't looked at clothes, and sadly, I think the Tlatelolco museum is going to have to wait, too. We walked all over Coyoacan yesterday, and another day of "let's follow Mom around, even though she's not quite sure where we're going!" is not likely to be met with joy by the kidlet.

Coyoacan was phenomenal, though. It's easily a place where I could imagine living for a year, so it's on the list of areas to investigate further when planning begins in earnest.

So - we'll start with coffee (yeah - way late. Packing has been a distraction), and then take it from there, I guess.

Oh - and I'm not sure where I put my camera cable. Hope to update pictures when I can find it, and add more to the blog, too. It's probably in the bottom of a daypack somewhere.

Counting down the days

We fly back to Portland - I cannot call it "home" - not quite - late Thursday night. Between now & then, there's a list of things to do:

• Go back to Basilica - say hi to Nuestra Madre, and pick up a couple of gifts for people in Portland


• Porrua family bookstore - need to look for a book recommended to the Student for his PhD work


• Check in with friend in Tlaxcala - unfortunately won't be able to make the trip there this time, but want to make tentative plans for a visit before the end of the year.


• Pick up a couple of shirts at a clothing store here - need more work-appropriate (for the outside world :) ) clothes, and saw a couple of things a few weeks ago that I liked.


• Go back to Rainbowland - and get a couple of things there for friends back in the US


• If I can figure out exactly where it is, I'd love to see the exhibit about 1968 in Mexico City that's on one of UNAM's campus. That's the year of my birth, without a doubt a significant time in history, but one which I know about primarily from the US perspective. I do know there was a massacre at the Olympics in Mexico City, for example, but until I read the linked article, I knew nothing about killings at a political rally here that October. I need to know more about this.

I'm sure there's more - frankly, I'd like to tour rental condos, put down a deposit, figure out how to get the cats here, and notify work that I'll be ... um ... 'telecommuting' for a few weeks - like 104 of them - but no, that's not in the works, sadly.

The past few days have been interesting. A group from the parish at the Kid's school is here - the same trip that I took last summer. Despite my allergies to bus tours and organized travel, I still managed to fall in love with this city. This time, we're not on the tour formally, just joining them for a trip to Teotihuacan on Friday and Xochimilco yesterday. I may go with a group of them to the Basilica today - both to satisfy my need to go back before we leave, and to help them navigate public transportation to get there & back.

It's been a curious different form of culture shock, though. They're from a world I'm part of, but not fully integrated into, either. Even back in town, since I'm a parishioner at the parish that serves mostly homeless & mentally ill folks - not where the school's located - I'm a bit of a mystery to them, I think. They're really sweet people - but we come from different worlds. It's fun to watch them explore this place that's become such a nourishing one for me, though. They go back tomorrow; I'm looking forward to hearing their reflections when I run into them again, maybe even some of them at Mass on Friday or Sunday.

Anyway - need to finish my coffee & get going on those items. OR - if they don't all get done, can I please just stay?

Went to Mass tonight

About the time of the 2nd reading - maybe 15 minutes in - I realized that it's probably the longest I've gone without going to Mass since dragging myself back to the Church several years ago. Yeah.

Not doing that again - the "putting it off" bit. No way, no how. Realized again tonight how much the liturgy is as much a part of me as my breath, my heartbeat. Away from it for too long, and I'm deprived of the oxygen I need to live. Even the kid, who doesn't know enough Spanish to follow the details, was in a much calmer mood, much happier, after spending the hour soaking in the rhythm that he understands at the core of his being, even if the words don't make sense. It helped that the Pastor of the parish where his school is located was concelebrating, and gave him Eucharist.

Feeling more grounded, more at peace, more aware of my place in God's world than I have in awhile. So stay tuned here for ... well, let's call it a "midcourse review", in the parlance of the borg, about this sabbatical, life, and everything else. Maybe even tonight.

blur and blah

Back in el DF after a whirlwind trip to Chicago & its environs. Long story around that one, and longer & more complicated analysis of the few days there. Suffice it to say that I cried myself to sleep last night, feeling really disoriented, disjointed, and alien - some old crap, some new challenges - and, as was pointed out to me today by a colleague, no small measure of 'reverse culture shock'.

So now I'm back in Mexico City for just one more week. A week from tonight we'll be on a plane headed back to Portland... indefinitely. We get the cats back on Friday, which is tantamount to saying "Yep. Back." Will see my parents then, too, and see how mom's hospice stuff is going.

And somewhere in there - I go back to work.

Oh yeah - watched "Office Space" last night - not for the first time, but I'm sure it contributed to the already toxic soup that was my brain and psyche. I felt the stress drop off me like weights when I walked off the plane at the airport this afternoon.

Tomorrow - Teotihuacán. There's a group from the parish associated with the kid's school here in town - a pilgrimage trip, similar to the one I took with them last year. They're doing the pyramids tomorrow, and it's a nice walk, so we'll head on over too. Will be good to see a few friends, but we're not going to jump wholesale on the tour group... need more flexibility for the kid, and more access to my beloved Metro.

Anyway - this is just about as disjointed as I felt last night, but mostly just tired now, and much more at peace. More when I get a more stable Internet connection... including a few photos from Chicago, maybe.

geekgrrrl without a network

(Most of this was written ~48 hours ago. Only reliable 'net access I'm finding is at Starbucks. Off to Chicago for 5 days tonight - will probably have better access - but less time - there. Ah well...)

Oh, the frustration of being in a hotel with a strong wireless network - and realizing that DNS resolution is horked at the router. The hotel I stayed in in December here had the same problem. It's managed by a friend of a friend, sorta, and I was able to go down and explain in garbled Spanish that I knew what was going on, and walk them through fixing it. I don't have the same "nuestro red es tu red" relationship here, so I can't just wander downstairs and ask to see their network hardware.

Probably just as well - long day & should get to sleep soon. A quick recap - up, coffee (absolute necessity) - then a trip to the Museo de la Historia Natural - kid's choice. He's up for anything prehistoric or otherwise really old; his interest wanes around the Middle Ages. Spent a few hours there, then - starving - went to the nearest place we could find - the Bosque Restaurant.

Now - it's my experience that park restaurants, particularly when surrounded by museums, are either outrageously overpriced for what they serve, or they serve utter crap - burger'n'fries of indeterminate origin, or sandwiches packed during Reagan's first term. ("Remember, children - ketchup is a vegetable!") Child & I, both tired, were sniping at each other over which this restaurant would be, or if we'd even end up staying.

Well - it was expensive. But the food - oh, the food was phenomenal. Prime Rib with creamed spinach and a lovely filet of fish in a balsalmic/tomato/olive sauce - reminiscent of puttanesca, but not quite. The restaurant is on one of the lakes in the park, and we spent at least three hours there enjoying a leisurely lunch. We were so underdressed for the place, but nobody seemed to care. It was great.

Did a quick stop at one of my favorite churches in town - the Ex-Convento de San Hipolito. When the group from the kid's school's parish is in town in just over a week, they're going to Mass there, and I was asked to swing by and figure out if the planned Mass time would work. Hung out there for a bit to pray - there's a particular devotion to St. Jude there, as well as a few others - and then wandered out.

Kid suggested that we try to catch WALL-E again - and we decided to head back to the 222 Reforma Cinemark; if it was at a good time, we'd stay, if not - we'd head back. The pesero got us to the theatre with 30 minutes to spare, and upon a second viewing, I'm happy to say that I really caught the Spanish dialogue. Way fun.

Getting home was a trip. 222 Reforma is on the edge of the Zona Rosa, Mexico City's gay hub. I stopped at a newsstand to grab a magazine, and saw a few curious looks - so odd for a woman and kid to be running around there that late. Of course, it was probably the safest place in the city for us to be - but the looks still said "Silly gringa. Well, if she brings a kid in here, she gets what she deserves if he sees this." The kid, steeped in gay culture since he was in utero, is completely oblivious to all of that - but is irate at the number of US-based megachains that populate the neighborhood - Popeye's, KFC, McDonalds, 7-11 ... Starbucks... and is ranting about global capitalism.

If you're reading this and the hotel network is still down, give thanks to Starbucks - universally the most reliable Internet access we've found in Mexico. It's funny the things that I worry about when I think about spending a school year here - besides whether I can bring the cats down, 'cause the kid misses them terribly. But also - can I get a stable WAN connection to wherever I'm living, so I can maintain the LAN myself and know it'll stay up?

Geek. (C'est moi.)