Time Out

Hey - most of y'all are either getting email or following things via Facebook, but seemed like a good idea to drop a quick update here as well.

We're now in the last days to a week or so of my mom's life. She's on in-home hospice now, but will almost certainly be moving to a residential hospice facility within the next 2-3 days. I'm going over today or tomorrow to help pack a few things for her to take. My dad, my cousin & I will be responsible for going through the rest of her things later. I'm her financial POA, so there's a mountain of stuff to go along with that, too.

We're doing well, all in all. My mom's been sick nearly all of her life, on disability since 1997, and more or less homebound for the past 3 years. She's had a fascinating life in her almost-65 years, and it's because of her spirit that I even think about doing things like packing up the kid and living in Mexico for a year. Or taking my liberal arts degree into a high tech company. Or even having this kid in the circumstances through which he came about.

So - it's sad, yes - but also joyful, because she gets to go hang with God 24/7 and be free of the intense pain she's been in for so very long. She's ready, and I'm ready to let her go in peace, too. It's time.

Kid's doing OK - we're keeping his schedule as normal as possible - including the 9am soccer game we're about to go to now. (Ouch.) I'm not traveling for several weeks at least; my amazingly fabulous coworkers are all supportive of whatever I need to be able to do to keep myself, the kid, and everything else in balance.

So - that's why I've not been blogging all that much.

A couple quick updates, though. Back to school night was Thursday. Per the kid, I asked the principal if there'd be any issue with him being gone for a year, then returning to the school. Of course not. He's in the one grade that has two classes (something in the water that year?) - so there's a little extra space, but they'd want to hang onto him anyway. I've not said much about it, but he has been talking about the idea more and more, including with his friends, and I think it's becoming a little more real. Still a few things to figure out before I can say we're definitely doing it, but it's another step.

Anyway - more soon, I hope. Thoughts, prayers, candles all welcome. We're doing ok - it'll just be a rough few weeks.

Pax, all.

Chicago was not on the itinerary

Just a brief one for now; may have lots and lots of time later to write, though.

I'm in Chicago - at the O'Hare Hilton, in fact. I have the clothes on my back and the few books in my carryon - the rest of my luggage is presumably in Portland. A delayed departure from Munich, coupled with Tropical Storm Ike heading through the Midwest meant that I missed my already-too-short connection last night. The weather's only worse today, and given that as much as I love flying, I hate takeoff, well, it'll be interesting.

Talked with the kidlet for awhile last night. He's with his dad & is totally fine, but I miss him terribly nonetheless. Starting to think it's time to suck it up and bring him along on some trips. It's just not worth it to be away... I'm also really not happy about not being home. I'd hoped to spend a good chunk of this afternoon with my mom - valuable time in short supply. I'll probably figure out a way to skip out of wok for an afternoon in the next few days, assuming, that is, that I get to Portland today.

OK. Shower, put on clothes I first donned in Barcelona... let's see... nearly 40 hours ago now, and locate coffee and food. I'm on standby for a 3-something flight - we'll see if that flies (no pun intended) today.

Mi español no me guarda ahora.

Made it to Barcelona today, uneventfully, all in all.
"Today" is a fuzzy concept. I woke up as usual at about 6am on Saturday, feeling vaguely achy and generally not all that up for getting on a plane for a really long time. Friday evening had been worse (see previous post). Still managed to throw the essentials in a suitcase and get to PDX to catch the Lufthansa flight out.

I'd forgotten how many people from work travel over to Europe, and how much sense it makes to leave on Saturday to be marginally rested for Monday meetings. Ran into a couple of friends at the airport, as well as a handful of other borg-dwellers who were headed across the pond.

It's now ... well, 2:15am on Monday in Barcelona, or 4:15pm on the West Coast of the USA. I napped for a couple of hours today, but otherwise haven't slept. I'm not all that tired, but will try to push myself into bed shortly in hopes of landing on Barcelona time tomorrow. There's a workshop I could attend for the conference, but I'll probably just see some sights instead. My first "official" event will be a cocktail party I really do need to attend tomorrow evening, and I'd like to be marginally coherent there, yes.

It's been funny trying to navigate with my Spanish in a city where spoken Spanish is markedly different and the primary language is Catalan - which I know not at all. I made it through dinner in Spanish, as well as requesting a loan of a power adapter (knew I'd forget something), but it's not the same as Mexico, no.

We'll see how tomorrow goes. For now, trying to turn an "afternoon nap" into a full night's sleep. More on Barcelona tomorrow, but for now - doing well, feeling great, happy to be here - but missing the kidlet terribly.

Barcelona-bound

Just a brief one - buried in work stuff, packing, trying to get the chaos in the house down to a dull roar. I leave tomorrow for a week in Barcelona, where I'll attend a conference for work & present in a panel discussion on Thursday.

Right now, I want little more than to go crawl into bed. I can't tell if I'm coming down with something, or if the stress is just beating me down. Hoping for the latter. Goal for tonight is to send off the powerpoint for my presentation, get a semblance of packing done, and be in bed no later than 10:30pm (about 50 minutes from right now). Ordinarily I'd be up and at 8am Mass tomorrow. That's still the plan, but I'm turning off the alarm clock. If I wake up and go, great. If not, well, I needed the sleep, I guess.

Back to the presentation now - it's overdue, but ... well, it's been a long day. Long week. Long month. Long year.

What happened to that 'sabbatical'? Hm....

OK, OK... what I'll really miss...

My Little Parish(TM).

For awhile yesterday my Facebook status said something to the effect of how grateful I am for the little Roman Catholic parish that I call "home" - and that it really took being away from it for the greater part of this year for me to truly appreciate how central it is to Who I Am. Lots of reasons for being away, and I'm not likely to ever be back at the point where I'm there 4-5 times a week. The Kid going to school at a different (albeit related through the religious community that runs both) parish is enough to get us to split our time.

But it's been good to be back. The Kid & I went to Mass today at 10am, joined by about ten other folks who were able to make it in. With so much stuff in the air right now, it feels good to be able to wander into that little corner.

I was talking with a friend yesterday afternoon, just catching up and chronicling the past several months, then talking about what's coming up. School starting. Mom being on hospice. The super-big-project at MegaCorp that I'm working on right now that's testing every influencing and leadership skill that I've ever managed to scrape together. The house - that I'm considering selling, because it's just Too Much Work. The idea of getting a condo, maybe in St. Johns. Contemplating what I'll need to do for my dad after my mom passes. Running low on cat food. Kid soccer season starting. Paying bills. Getting ready for the panel discussion on which I'm to participate in just over a week at a work conference in Europe. Planning to spend an academic year in Mexico, starting next July or so. Missing BeTSy, my beloved bicycle. No, she's not gone - in fact, she's a mere seven or so feet away as I write - but I've not had time to spend with her this year, and I really miss those rides. They brought me equanimity, helped me find sanity so many times.

There's probably a dozen or so other things I could list above - other stressful events or situations that are hovering around my head like those little anvils in the Roadrunner cartoons, but I'm not sure I want to look that closely right now, frankly. That's enough for the moment.

It's the very little things that are keeping me sane right now. As I wrote about a week ago, being very conscious of what I can do, what I can't do, and maintaining those boundaries - priceless. Also probably pissing some people off, but it all goes back to the oxygen mask metaphor that I'm reminded of on every single one of my trips (over 30 takeoffs so far this year, believe it or not): "If you're traveling with others who may need assistance, put your own oxygen mask on first, before helping children or other passengers with their masks." (Is it wrong that I always want to shout, "Amen, Sister!" whenever I hear the flight attendent - of whatever gender, mind you - recite that line?)

If I don't take care of myself, my life will be sh*t and I'll be utterly unable to be of any use at all to anyone else at all, least of all this little creature who's starting fifth grade tomorrow. So yeah - I hold the line, and I'm doing OK.

Part of that for me is keeping an anchor tossed in the places that nourish me, that nurture me, that are the calm amidst everything else. Here in Portland, it's that little parish that smells of stale alcohol, urine, and unwashed bodies, the place where mentally ill folks are among the altar servers, the place where even the priests admit that they don't have all the answers, that they are human beings too, doing their best to be loved by God and love their neighbors, just like the rest of us. Yeah, if I'm in Mexico for a year, it'll be hard to be away from this little place, but I'm sure I'll find a way to stay connected there, too. That's next year's issue. Today is today.

And so I continue along. The Kid & I came home after Mass; he's up cleaning his room, I'm moving furniture in the living room and bagging up stuff that will go to Goodwill. Goofing off on Facebook, challenging a couple folks with Scramble, takin' it all an hour at a time for now.