Whichever way...

I've promised myself that I'd begin updating & blogging just as soon as I figured out whether I'll be in Portland or head to San Jose for about a year starting this summer. Quite literally over the course of a day, the 'decision' changes. I wake up at 3am in a panic; how can I move, how can I uproot the child, how can I get everything done that I need to do to get from here to California. I'm now practiced at getting myself back to sleep. By about seven, coffee in hand, I can sit with the liminality and uncertainty, telling myself to take things a step at a time, and that the next steps are getting the kid to school and getting me to work.

By noonish, I'm convinced that I'm ready to go to San Jose. I've usually heard from one or more friends or family down there, many of whom don't know one another (yet), with everything from suggestions for apartments, a mention of a new cool place the kid will love, and offers to help organize - either up here or there.

Later in the afternoon I wobble - friends at the kid's school, the folks who keep the kidlet after class, the soccer folks - all part of what I know I'll miss if I'm away. And then the kid starts talking about wanting to get to the Aquarium on Fisherman's Wharf again, the Monterey Bay Aquarium, and the science center in Golden Gate Park that was closed the last time we were in the City.

In short - it's not easy. And work is really, really rough right now in many respects, which doesn't help. It's taking more emotional energy and plain old consciousness than it should, and that doesn't begin to touch the time investment. But right now, a paycheck's a paycheck, and I really do like the majority of the work itself and have some fabulous coworkers. It's not sustainable long-term, though, not like this.

So I'm tackling things bit by bit. Kid is with my dad right now, and I'm getting a particularly difficult bit of work done. Later I'll pack up some stuff for Goodwill, and pack up other stuff for an eventual move - somewhere. Tee Bee Dee. Mass at 5, then a bit more packing, perhaps. Just don't know quite where the boxes will be unpacked yet.